secret voices

unrealistic.

2010-05-28T01:41:00.002+08:00

ok, its not realistic at all. im suddenly swarm with anxiety. im pretty sure i've presented everything today, but something is so wrong here, did i really pass up everything ? did i finish my hmw ? shit, still need to do wat yar ? goshhhh, im suddenly so anxious now. T______T everything happen like a lightning strike, im still not use to the boredom im feeling now, i need something to do or some activities to warm me up , to fill up the emptyness. its getting pretty scary, thinking of projects and assignments now and then although everything is over and i have a freaking 4 months hols. i need to do something , something . . . to get rid off this anxiety. gonna email for intern tomoro and do some room chores, read some books and watch some movies. . . . hopefully i dun wake up in anxiety like i alway does usually.

LET ME REPEAT THIS ONCE AGAIN !

ADELIME TAN I-YING , U R OFFICIALLY OFF FOR 4 MONTHS, STOP THINKING OF ASSIGNMENTS !

bestest friends.

2010-05-13T13:24:00.005+08:00

ouwhhh ! i reli miss my bestest friend so so so much . =( it seems like a decade since we gossip and exchange lil' useless topics and we-think-its-a-secret kind of secret . Those days were the best, we would phone each other every single day. (yes, seeing each other in class is just not enough for both of us =) ) we would talk talk, chat chat, gossip, gossip till our parents have to pay the shocking bill >.<>what u and hui ying always talk r ? so many things to say wan meh, canot go to school and talk meh . HAHAHA. and i would always reply OF COURSE CANOT LAR. CANOT WAIT LAR~ =P ouwwh, i miss her. she is literally my other half, she is the shadow of me, she is my pillar of support when i was unhappy. true enough we have our fair share of ups and downs, there was a period where both of us was so freaking busy with our own life that we left out each other from our lives. and i almost thought, ok we are done ! i accepted the fact that, we cant keep someone to ourself, people change, so do us. may be this is where our frindship stop and i shud jz let it go and be grateful for the fact that we were once the bestest friend. i cried so hard when i finally decided on that fact. silly me. i should have know, good friends, mutual friends, buddies, strangers may walk out of your life but not your bestest friend ! u cant just throw those years of friendship down the river and forget about it. bestest friend stays forever permanently. she's my emma, im her liv =) we are now the same as before ! it had never been better. =D in fact, bare in mind that, friendship needs time investment, dun ever shoo friends off with the excuse of being busy. they are where we are now.

we cant wait to see each other. im counting off the days till we meet, when that time comes, i wan to hear the full story of yesterday's cut short version of when rock star meets classic princess =D . love u much =D

here's a note by my ex-english tutor that i think is worth pondering on.

" So are you still BUSY? I'm sure there's a moment in time that we are not. If you could have time to chat online with a random stranger, you could have picked up the phone and call your dear friend. If you could have the time to play games at home, you could have spend the evening for a football game (example) with your friends or even coffee...If your friends could spend time for you, why can't you? People are too keen to make new and more friends, but they just freaking don't know how to retain those friends they make...It's not the volume, it's the quality. "

stay posotive.

2010-05-07T22:49:00.002+08:00

so, its really not dat exciting anymore counting to the days till we have our long hols. its actually gettting stressfull and annoying, really. the start of the long hols means its the end of the big ass final project. . .. . . which seems no where now. i cant see the process and the ending. its slowly, slowly injecting fear into me. im trying to cope with all the stress and all, keeping my fingers cross now. and im so freaking annoyed of myself, why am i always in a sleepy mode. it only got worse after burning midnight oil for 8 days. after submitting the final model, i totally lost my spirit and soul. i sleep all day long whenever i can. rest turn into short nap, short nap turns into deeep lonng sleep. T______T . i cant afford to be sleepy nowadays, there is definitely something wrong with my body system now. 19 days ! 19 freaking days to my long hols, and to the deadline of my final ! WOOT ! praying real hard for it. smile , smile, SMILE =) i am happy, glad and appreciate all the comfort and encouragement i receive from my mates. all the best to all of us ! jiayou !

* like what alvin says , THINK POSITIVE, STAY POSITIVE, GOOD MORNING =D

so near yet so far.

2010-05-01T12:26:00.002+08:00

we are best friends, but we are so near yet so far. when i look back at my photos now, i realise that you're missing in most. when i looked at your's i too realise i was not in most of your pictures. i wish i could be n coz those pictures look great. it make me wonder why it wasn't me on the pictures. why i never knew this till i saw the pictures. i wonder if we will still look good in pictures together.

FML

2010-04-25T06:38:00.003+08:00

no words can really express what im going thru and feeling right now. The only appropriate word that i can think of is . MY LIFE MACAM SHIT !

I HATE MODEL -MAKING TO THE MAX !

I HATE MEASURING !

I HATE COLOUR SPRAY !

I HATE NT CUTTER !

I HATE PRINTING EVERYTHING IN COLOURS !

I HATE GOING TO EXPEDITE !

I HATE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE WORD " INTERIOR " OR " ARCHITECTURE "

I HATE EVERYTHING !

MY LIFE RIGHT NOW SUCKS BIG TIME !

* im looking forward to monday. after monday. im gona sleep hard and play hard. * for one day *

FML !

its been a long time !

2010-04-06T17:11:00.002+08:00

ellooo ! ok i knw its been a long time since i blog. bout a month ago ??! have been burried under a huge bundle of assignments and projects ! i barely can breath till now ! which is the so called * holiday * =.= deep breathe * i cant imagine the crazy workloads that im gonna face for the next coming weeks ! but the good news is, its the freaking long hols sooooon !!! =) yeepee . cant wait for the trips with my frens. lalala ~ but before i step my foot onto the ground of pleasure, i'll have to cross de bridge of hell first ! wish me luck !

anyway ! i've deleted my previous post which i frown at everytime i log in my blog! its not me really. so just forget about it ! i was boling hot back then, in a hurry to complete my 3ds. * look at what projects did to me ! they turn me into a tigress ! * =( .

i've done another music brochure ! =) turn out pretty fine =) although its for free again. i do hope i can have more to do in the big hols, which may be i can start charging them ! im more happy doing graphics =) considering going for intern in the bigb hols too, but its still in the process. wait till i manage to escape from the bridge of hell first =)

p/s : buh bye, its another lousy post. oh ! i have two new roomies ! two lil cute one, hope to get along well with them ! but none of them beats cayenne and zhinee =) miss them occasionally.

cure that pain please

2010-03-10T05:19:00.002+08:00

help T__________T. can someone just wake up and sent me to a clinic nowwwww =( ! WAKE UP EVERYONEEEEEEE ANYONE ! im half dead now ! of all the time u had to come at this time ! in the middle of 4 am ! after coming back from hoay phing's belated b'day, i went to bed early. for two hours i endure de pain of gastric, and finally i cant take it anymore T_______T its killing me man ! and everyone is asleep =( and i naively tot aww how good i can sleep early tonight n wake up fresh for tomoro's lecture =( hope it goes off before 6, at least i have 2 more hours left of sleep.

im starting to get really worried about my health now. all my family members have the record of serious gastric except me. and now, im having it too. thanks to my unhealty diet and eating style =( its not the first time now. hav been complaining of stomach ache for de pass few days ! omg, cayenne help me ....am i having stomach cancer ??? =( its not like im forcing myself to go on diet, but im jz too lazy to tapao or cook . i have no motivation to cook now. and i dun even feel hungry, not until dinner time. had been having one meal a day this few days, and after every freaking meal ! i get gastric !!!! GRRRrrrrrrrrrr. im real scare now. i dunwan to have gastric like my parents. its so bloody torturing. i promise i will start eating normal from tomoro .....please just cure that pain T_____________T i want to sleep =(

hope the medicine i consume just now helps ! =( T_____________T

see you next time =)

2010-02-07T01:30:00.004+08:00

whenever someone leaves room1. i drown myself into a complete denial state, refusing to actually accept that i have yet another goodbye to bid. The business of bidding goodbye have never been "use to it" for me. i hate bidding goodbye in blogspot to roomies, i hate reliving the time we spend together, but then , thats the only way for me to express what i couldn't say face to face and they all deserve a post from me =)

dear zhini =),

im so happy to have u as my roomie. u r so far one of the most quirky yet fun and full of knowledge roomie i ever had =) *im lucky and gratefull to have all wonderfull roomies*

i love chatting with you =) i love being temporary very *kepochi* about the entertainment industry =) it has alwayz been a fruitful discussion which nobody but you and i are interested in =) if not for ur existence as a student in kbu, i would think that may be you are one of the paparazzies =)

you are the only friend that actually agrees with me on the great potential of the late yasmin ahmad's production. i guesse i will never have that same passionate respond again. =( * who want to teman me go watch yasmin ahmad's production in cinema huh ?

i seriously and with respect salute u for your great ability in chinese writting. i love every words that you type out in your blog, i love the way you express yourself with your own magical words =) for a dummy in chinese like me, your words are an inspiration =) im not exagerating ya, u seriously have to continue blogging ok ! i dunno why , but im addicted to your words and style of writting =) keep it up !

like cayenne, i would like to say thank you for all the patience and tolerances with me. i know i know, im not a clean freak. *sigh, this would be the only thing i felt so sorry* sorry and thank you again =)

will surely miss another hungry ghost in the middle of the night =) u made me feel better having maggie in the middle of 3. who will teman me eat supper again huh ?*sigh. . .. i have to find another victim now . . . .

you are also one of the few among my frens that would discuss about the hypocrisy of the politic world with me. will surely miss those chats and discussions =)

for such a young age, you are one hell of a genius ! u know almost everything ! from the entertainment industry to the world of politics ! i feel so small T__T keep it up ya zhini =)

to end everything in short, you are unique, smart, small, quirky, and knowledable =) nice knowing you. we may never meet again, or we may meet again in one fine day , u have my deepest earnest regards =) its not going to be a smooth sail doing yout degrees , hope everything sail smoothly ALL THE BEST =) * to me you are always the smart one =) *

朋友当中最" HIAO " 的 LING ZHI NI -------------------------- 再见咯 =)

p/s : 下次见面时我要看到穿乞丐裤，背着乞丐包，拖着乞丐鞋的你哦 =）

慕橙上

another farewell.

2010-02-06T04:23:00.002+08:00

oh why oh why? do i have to endure the loss of two roomies in such short period ? T___T the blur one went away, and now the little one is crawling away too. i felt the same amount of sadness and unwillingness to let this one go, but i guesse i can handle it better this time =).Not in a great mood this few days but am doing good =)may be dats why i slept so much like nobody business, im just trying to sleep off the unwillingness and hope tomoro never comes. im sad to the amount that i dread going shopping tomoro with my best fren in the whole wide world. i just want to sleep again =(

p/s: im relying on tomoro's shopping spree to lightend up my mood =) night world.

i lied

2010-02-04T01:01:00.002+08:00

ok. IM FREAKING LOUSSSSSYYYYYYYYYY AT LYING. gosssssssssshhhh! that was hard . ask me to do anything but not lie.

haapeee ~

2010-01-29T13:17:00.004+08:00

in the college now ! waiting for my 3d max class to start !=D ~~someone invite me to join him to "play" in the computer lab wahhhhh~~ =.= im freaking sleepy and tired physically, but finally, IM FREE OF PROJECTS AND ASSIGNMENTS ! WOOOHOOOOO! teeeheeeeee~ oklar, not free of all, kbu college its not that generous, not in a million years. i still have research and analysis to do for my next project which is my FINAL PROJECT. but lets not spoil the mood now. its CNY in three weeks time !!!! happeeeee! gonna have dinner with huiying and annhwang tonight ! hapeeeeee =) i can finally have a good sleep tonight =D hapeeeeee !

ok. this is yet another random post. sorry for this boring post. bye. i'll do better after i have a good 12 hours of sleep =) see you on the next post.

p/s: someone say my blog no pictures very boring wahhh ~ in fact, i've never intend to make this a photo blog =.= i do post some occasioanally when i feel like i want to ok. ish! wan see pics go facebook lar ck.

randomly

2010-01-22T21:04:00.002+08:00

im surprise at how the word " keep in contact ya "came out from ur mouth. say less of it unless u meant every of your words.

happy belated birthday xinhui =)

2010-01-21T00:43:00.003+08:00

im damn sleepy now ........ BUT ! i had a wonderful night full of laughters with a bunch of fabulous friends =) its dear xinhui's belated birthday celabration ! hutang u the birthday prezzies first ya. its been a long time since we hang out and have fun like tonight. missing those days, but what to do we are the future designers =) all in all, i had fun tonight !especially in ck's car. =D will post up all the photos soon ....for now, T_________T i shall resume back to my cad drawings . goodluck everyone. we'll have a shopping date after this yar =)

random post

2010-01-19T23:15:00.002+08:00

ok, im shuddering right now. not because of the cold weather but because of some random message my senior just posted up in facebook.

the storm was heavy~the storm was brutal~ but we manage to survive till the end~ non of us quit~non of us is a quitter ~we are the toughest designer of all ! - raymond-

i can feel the intensity im about to face in year 3. gosh. totally freak me out. any situation using the word "storm" to decribe aint goin to be a good one. i hope i can post that up when its my turn to have a taste of that "storm" we'll wait and see =)

january 2010

2010-01-19T04:16:00.001+08:00

Here goes my extremely late pending welcome speech for year 2010 =)

2009 was definitely one hell of a year. Happy, delighted, surprises, emo, frustrated, dissapoinment, fun, u name it ! i endured it all in one whole year =D cant say its a brilliant year but definitely not a bad one too =) like i said, life is never a bed of roses , but never a bed of thorns too. I'll just leave the past in the past and paint 2010 with pretty hues of rainbows adding on a few sparkles =)

almost every of my peeps had alredy made their new year's resolution for yr 2010, wishes had been said and prayers had been silently done. " my new year resolutions" was the big tittle in almost every blog that i visited. everyone was so excited and naively hold on to the resolutions that they planned. Chance are, they made a new year's resolution, and broke it by the end of the year. how pathetic is that? The list of resolutions in new year never ever will ends. different people come out with different resolutions and from experience and all the cases i've witness, ALOT remain undone and little were fulfilled. Hence, i made the decision to not make any this year because i hate making promises to myself and breaking it at the end of the day. Instead, i came out with a list of " i'll try my very best ". take note that its not any new year resolutions or random promises, its just a list of things that i'll try my very best on =)

here goes the list :

I'LL TRY MY VERY BEST :

1) to cope with pressure and take control of my emotions rather than the emotions take control of me.

2)to change my attitude in facing all the workload.

3) to actually enjoy the process of model-making ( 50% there )

4) to take serious cautions on my health, my body have been sending out red signals warning me.

5) to achieve the 7/8 hours of beauty sleep as often as i can.

6) to not skip breakfast ( it will nv ever happen in a million years ) * i'll try *

7) to make amends to all the holes and bumps i've created last year

8) to rekindle my relatioship with all my best friends, buddies and soulmates. and of course to maintain the frienship i have now, with my coursemates, housies and roomies =)

9) to fold my blanket everyday after waking up .

10 ) to minimize the heap of clothes on the chair * its taking the shape of a mountain now*

11)Diet ! diet ! and DIET ! im getting fatter i think =( zoey says my face is the very shape of *cha shao pao * =(

12) to help and tutor my lil' bro on his coming PMR , although i duno how im going to do dat since im here and he's there. but we'll see.

13) to maintain my facial routine since its benefiting me now.

14) prevent from consuming oily food * but oily food always taste so god damn good !*

15) to ramp up my computer and 3d software skills

16) to regain my enthusiasm and the passion i once felt so optimistic about.

17) to read more fabuluos books * read the least books in this 3 years* extremely sad about it
=( i no longer have time for my obsession. i'll try this year =)

18) watch more movies in the cinema .

19) to learn how to regconise all the bloody directions. * its freaking hard , but please lar let me at least remember the direction to one u ! i dunwan after 4 years i have people asking me directions and i feel completely hopeless =(

20) to buy the beautiful red lizard i've alwayz wanted. and another hermit crab too ! hermit crabs are just AWESOMEEE =D

there are just way too many things i hope to try my very best on , but lets just focus on this 20 =) and leave the rest for next year . we cant do everything in one go right ? i'll just take it at a moderate pace and come back to this post on 2010 dec 31 to see how much i've achieve =)

i'll try my very best and if i cant achieve it, i'll try extra hard next year =)

Chinese New Year mode on !

2010-01-10T17:32:00.002+08:00

OH MY ~~~ ! when the freaking hell will i finish all the bloody drawingssssss ~ amitabha , release me from all the burden of drawing PLEASE. since holiday i've been doing nothing but models and techinical drawings. geeez ! shit u ! drawings ! cant even make it for my fren's 21st b'day because of it. Anyway, i've found a way to at least make me feel more energize to complete all those bloody drawings. =D teeeheeee. CHINESE NEW YEAR TUNEEEEEES ~ bahahahahaa ~ i feel super duper energize man ! Its like the only motivation im left with now ! = D cant wait for chinese new year to come . everytime i turn on the music my heart beats 20 times faster and my whole spirit is up ! everytime i pass thru centrepoint's chinese medicine shop i feel damn happy & energize for erm . . . 10 seconds.

ahahahahahhahahahahaha ! im mad happy about chinese new year ! its exactly 4 weeks from now ! 4 WEEEKS ! ahahhahaa.

times up. okbye.

Out of the blue

2010-01-05T01:42:00.001+08:00

Out of the blue , i miss my childhood days . . . . . . . . .

when i was small and christmas trees were tall . . . . . .

when i was just that tiny dot in that huge circle of devoted love . . . .

am still in that circle, but no longer the tiny dot. IM A HUGE DOT NOW . =)

p/s : i think im so cuteeeeee in that photo =D

here i am again . . .

2010-01-04T00:37:00.002+08:00

hello bu10 , bye malacca. here i am again in this lil' rented room of mine with mix feelings. the emptiness and spaciaousness leave a big gap in my heart and the echo of my voices is deafening to my ears. am not exaggerating , we can hear our own echo if we talk slightly louder. one roomie gone and another coming in. cant say im excited but i know i'll soon learn to love her as much =)
(i hope). missed my hometown the moment i step in the house, but i know i have missed my housies and roomie too.

out of blue, i have the crave for kfc which i know would ended with me regretting the decision. so yeah , went for kfc with zhini and walking out with regrets and a vow to not have kfc in a long time. Tonight was suppose to be a small yum char session with cayenne and the housies but was cancelled because everyone was stuck with loads of pending homework. nvm. we'll find another one fine day =) * miss u lar cayenne. tak nampak bayang u pun till now. ur bayang has been replace with xin hui's bayang . haha. * i kept walking to your locker and walking back in dismay because the mirror is gone ! REPEATLY. * cant help it =)

while xin hui enlighten me with all the happening activities she had in the hols, zoey told me via msn that a condom was found in her room's wastebasket. she was furios ! OMG ! *sigh, ranji ar ranji, dun be so open eh. i very scare wan eh. for two weeks our housemates sees you with different guy everyday. they even hear your screams while having * eh hem * with biao ge. we very scare wan eh ! our house is already quite dark and scary dun make it darker please. wana have sex ? go somewhere else and please tone down ur screams, i dont care have a cloth stuck in ur mouth or seal ur mouth with masking tapes or wat, just be quiet ok!

obviously, im not writting this post with whole effort . BECAUSE, im in the middle of dressing up models and sending them to runway =D nice man . its like the only game im interested in =D thx for the game chia yee =)

ok bye. i need to dress up my models =)

p/s: slightly nervous for tomoro. hope everything goes well =)

rambling .....rambling....rambling.....

2009-12-27T02:05:00.003+08:00

its 2 am now, and my butt is still sticking on the chair donwstair with fat bloody mosquitoes sucking my fresh blood. geez. its essay again ! yeepeee =) the subject that i enjoy most ... teeeheeee.... because im such a long-winded person i can talk and talk and talk and over talk. almost 600 hundred words but not even close to the conclusion. die lor, i dont even knw wether im on the track or out of track. but nvm =) mr leong said its just a warm -up essay. its just a bloody warm-up essay, not dissertation OK .im gonna finish it today =)

*this post is just a rambling post, so pardon me for my sentence structures , no one rambles and still thinks of structures ok.*

im happy that my christmas celabration went well, im happy that i get to hangout with my schoolmates and some good friends, im happy that i've almost finish my essay, im happy that its holiday, im happy that im at home, im happy that i've a long chat with my cousins today, im happy that i've trim my eyebrow today, im happy that my complexion has improve a little, im happy that i've bought a dress and belt today.

im unhappy because holiday is ending, im unhappy i still have one final development model to finish before goin back to kl, im unhappy because one roomie has shifted, im unhappy because im leaving my home again next week.

so, looking at the scores, overall i think im still happy =) as we grew older and mature, we tend to hunt for the big thing to satisfied our desires. But sometimes, small tiny happenings and incidents can fulfill that crave too. just by chatting with your family&friends can be quite fulfilling too, even if its just craps. It all depends on how we interprete it. *blah blah blah......me with my philosophy again....*

im procrastinating too long now, gotta go back to my essay. sorry for such a random post =) *oh ya, alvin kwang you shock me ! u shock me with your face in the follower's list. how you dig my blog wan r. ok i admit im being a wee little bit anxious now. because i sense a tiny growth in my readers, never expected it because it all started out as a guarded empty space just to voice out my thoughts and feelings. but nevermind =) not my father or mother reading can d. *sigh, i guesse im not measured for the successful-blogger-type. im comfortable enough in this small circle of close friends =) welcome alvin =)

ok. bye. essay calling me. bye.

my dearest roomie =) i love you .

2009-12-25T01:57:00.001+08:00

to my dearest roomie ~

dear cayenne , i still rmb the second person that i get to know in this house is you =) you gave me the impression of being a cute intelligent kind of girl , and true too u are cute , intelligent , independent and blurry too =D. although we were not roomies at the very beginning and we werent actually that close becoz of ...* u knw * we kind of tot you were in the same group as her =) but deep inside i hold no grudge against you and i actually admire you alot because you are everything that im not * except the blurrness * you have beauty with brains wherelse i have minimum beauty with a useless brain kept frozen inside the fridge. because im such a homie girl, ur independency actually shock me =) i actually really do hope that one day i can be as independent as you are =) two years ago, i will not go shopping on my own, two years ago i will not go out with public transport on my own, ......ect. but believe it or not i did all that and am comfortable with it now because of you . i always told myself if u can go out alone to find your friends without telling your parents . why cant i ? - Thank you -

As time flies , we got more and more close, eventually i shifted in as your new roomie =) the night that all hell break loose was the night i actually brave myself to ask you your opinion on * her * =) me and xinhui was so excited for our new member in the gang against *her* our relationship only got better and better from there =) we have so much fun as a gang and i loveee all my roomies in room 1 so so much especially you because we hang out so much , same class same house same course same gang =) its fun having you around. the best desicions i ever made this two years was shifting in to room 1 =) i dont know about u guys but i love the atmosphere in room 1 . we have such good relationship between our roomies i felt bless. we can be as quiet when we want to and as noisy when we want to. i like the mutual relation between us where we wake up in the morning of saturday/sunday and we dun feel the need to talk/communicate with each other, we dont have to force to communicate with each other , untill the time to plan for lunch or dinner. we talk when we want to, we shut ourself when we want to but our relationship is still as good =) Im not a very hygienic person at all, im actually quite messy, thank you for tolerating with me. im not sure wether i can ever find such good roomates in the future anymore . thanks for accepting me in room 1 - Thank you -

You are my second alarm clock. i'm not an early sleeper and an early riser like you, half of the time u were the one who woke me up with your shocking tone : OI! ITS 12 NOON LOR ! or ADELINE WE ARE LATE ! FASTER WAKE UP ! i really do appreciate that alot, i dont think everyone else's roomates is an alarm clock to them , may be its becoz we are in the same class , but still im glad and fortunate to have a human alarm clock when my mobile alarm doesnt work for me =) i dont know how im gonna survive after this , but - Thank you -

i still remember when u first came here, u told me u cant stand sleeping with the lights and music on. but with roomies that have different lifestyle , u eventually suit yourself to it. more like *immune* youself. im sorry for being a late sleeper and a hardcore music fans. i need the lights and music on when im awake but i know its hard for you. thx for tolerating with my lifestyle . - sorry , thank you -

i dont know wether u realise or not, i begin to rely alot on you. on almost everything. i keep on asking stupid questions every single day and thx for answering them with or without patience. especially in our projects and assignments. you are my life saviour. im not exaggerating , its true. im gona be so dead after this =( im gonna kill myself after this =( i rely ALOT on you on projects, physically and mentally. you were with me for every projects, every single bloody rushing projects. you help me not only physycally but also mentally. you support and advice me when i almost break-down. i duno , by chatting while rushing, you always manage to make me laugh when im actually stress to the max and im nt sure its ur silliness or my stupidness that pull us thru the bloody freaking sleepless nights. i guesse we got closer while exchanging small personal talks in the middle of those freaking bloody nights. i love them =) from bitching about college&lecturers, complaining about workloads to our family& friends and much more personal matters. i love chatting with you and having those personal talks =) makes the whole bloody night much more bearable. dont think im gonna survive after this but, ...... - Thank You -

you are a bright student , you pass every projects with flying marks wherelse im just an average student. im always average on everything. hence, i need alot of help during projects, you were always there for my stupid questions. without you may be i would even fail my project i think. im so freaking stupid i have to ask those question where i myself felt so embarrass , but u still help me with it.you gave suggestions and comments that i appreciated alot. you help me with everything that i dont know. and no, you have no idea know how much much much u meant to me. when i know you really are shifting i cried. Because i dun think im gonna survive without those bearable nights. its so lonely rushing for projects alone outside =( you were always sitting outside with me =( plus zhini is gonna graduate soon too. its gonna be a tough one for me on the next project. but still - Thank You -

from this post , may be some would think that we are soulmates or besties or bff those kind of things , but no, we are not. we are everything but not those. but i love you nevertheless. =) cool right , we are not soulmates, we are not besties , we are not best friend forever but i still love you as much =) you are one of the coolest roomie i ever had. eventhough i feel so sad and unwilling for you to shift but i cant do anything right, its not like if i pray hard for some fire or earthquake that would destroy your house it will happen right ? its not gonna happen right ? i dont know how im gonna survive without you and zhini's goin away soon too, everything will not be the same anymore after christmas. I guesse i'm force to accept it. Once again. i would like to say :

* THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING * will surely miss your absence in room 1.

p/s : once roomates forever roomates =) we are not best friend forever but roomates forever =)

merry christmassss =)

2009-12-08T03:04:00.003+08:00

one of those things that kept me going on while i nearly break-down in assignments and projects was the fact that christmast holiday is near. when there is no hope we dig and dig and tend to cling on to that very hope that we dug out. just by someone mentioning would make me atleast feels that tiny bit of excitement. i heart christmas not because im a christian, not because i love santa claus, not because i love prezzies but of the same bunch of friends i hang out with every year for christmas. its kinda like a tradition for us for the pass few years and it has alwayz been the thing we were all planning big for it. this year was not to be different, at least thats what i naively thought. i actually forgot about how people change throughout the years, i actually forgot that not everyone is backing up that intention that all of us once solely swear and agree on. so may be im one of the few ones that still rmb. i have others inviting to spend some quality time together for christmast but it doesnt seems natural to celabrate with them because its not like that for the pass few years, i stick with the same bunch just because we all kept promise about it.

so quite a while ago, kim yeat actually ask me out on christmast with a couple of friends and i politely rejected and at that very moment i reject, i doubt on how im goin to celabrate this christmas. how sure was i that i actually do have a christmas celabration this year with the same bunch of friends.

BUT now, i just dont freaking care anymore ! =))) so what if its not the same bunch, people change so i guesse i need a change too =) hey ! its not like i dont have others to celabrate with ! im not gona waste my christmas =)) worst to worst i can just celabrate with my families =) hey ! i have super duper cool cousins lor =) amanda and celine is just as cool as all of you !!! xP malacca is a small great place to celabrate christmas tooo =)) i misss malacca =)

im looking forward to the coming two weeks hols and christmasssss wooohooooo~merry merry christmas everyone xP

randoms

2009-12-05T01:57:00.002+08:00

hmmmm...its almost two but no, those tiny bit of sleepy-ness havent reach me yet. i felt terribly sleepy this afternoon, may be the short hideous nap i took in mph did work for me =). so, tomoro its ME -DAY again. its gona be me and me and me and nobody else. *sigh i chose to not go genting with the gang coz im pathetic like that. i knw i wont be doing homework for the whole day tomoro. its really just for the peace of my conscience. im nt goin to enjoy fully because i feel guilty for neglecting my homework so might as well not go. somemore i skip class today =(( didnt feel right u knw, im not the skip-your-class type. its the second time in these few short months. T_____T noooo....im not turning it into a habit am i ??? this canot be tolerate ! apart from feeling guilty ....its definitely worth it though ! coz its my dear roomie-cayenne's birthday =) and 2012 is awesome ! WORTH IT !

so, because i let my geniue brain wanders freely just for tonight, i suddenly have lotsa options to make. what time shall i sleep tonight, its a waste to sleep early coz tomoro is the start of anew research. if i sleep late what time shall i wake-up tomoro ? if there is no accident or anything like that i think i will wake-up greeting mr sun. so, whats for lunch tomoro ? and dinner ? what movie/drama shall i watch before starting my research ? shall i appear busy or available in msn tomorrow ? shall i be kind and unblock everyone in my msn list just for tomoro ? shall take the whole afternoon reading my books or what. ok im being silly. im tired of making decisions. i shall leave everything to god . lol.

its another silly random post. i shall sleep in late for today. yeeeepeeeee. and plz let me be alive tomoro. i still want to live okay. im not that depressed to commit suicide ok dearest brian. dun worry.

无题

2009-12-02T21:29:00.000+08:00

学会不要对别人要求高,你在意的事件就会越来越少,心灵上的创伤就会越来越少,曾经在意,执著的东西根本就不起眼也不算什么了.

p/s : 同样的事如果发生在两年前我绝对会很伤,现在它根本什么都不是^^. 它连逗留的资格都没有. =)

miss u lar =(

2009-12-02T02:28:00.004+08:00

awwww freaking misssss u larrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ! i wan to see u nowwwwwww ! =( *sigh . my life is so sad and miserable lar, its alwayz congested with workloads. ahhhhhhhhhhh i missss u larrrrrrrrrrrrrr ! blah blah blah blah blah. when i let loose myself , it means all hell break loose, muahaha. im not doing hmw today !!!!! dun even give a shit about it for now. i jz wan a rest. have been undergoing a very tense period and now that im free, im wild ! muahaha. but jz for tonight, tomoro is another new briefing of a new project. FML ! FML ! *sigh.

a completely irrelevant p/s : hangout with ms elephant and rujia after presentation this morning, had sushi zanmai and went for a quick shopping spree. love hanging out with them so much, tired but i get the satisfaction ^^. we've even plan our next dining destinations for one whole week =)))

NIGHT WORLD ~ i shall sleep as though tomoro doesnt exist =).

make a difference .

2009-12-01T15:23:00.003+08:00

today's presentation was a pleasureable experience for me, first time in 2 yrs im able to speak and voice out my opinion without fear. love ms wardah so much. she gives comment that makes u think deep rather than criticizing what has been done. we designers are here to make a difference. try to make a difference and not repeating what has been existing all this while, well said ms wardah . why spend 7o thousand just to come for college to be the same. might as well copy other peoples works u wont need to learn. why do you want to design something that alredy exist, its a waste of time. try not to limit ur creativity. Healthy comparison among peers is effective. there are so many colleges out there in the same industry, you have to have your own signature few more yrs later to compete and stand out from the thousands of designers. what makes you different from the thousands of people. what makes an employer choose you over them ? oh ya, ms wardah said eric leong spoilt the id industry =) if what u can do is just paint your wall with a few buckets of awesome colors plus some decorations, then might as well dont take this course, everyone can do that. he doesnt seems to attract alot of iad lecturers =) but its totally true, well said. ms wardah gave us credits for being able to successfully complete everything in such a short period, compare to the previous batch we have the best numbers of submissions =) im so proud of myself for being able to complete everything too =)

what ms wardah said today is more than what i express here, her words leave a big impact on me. todays presentation made me realise that after all the whinning and howling , its all worth it. i tot that i must have lost my passion for this subject, i was afraid for this time to come because i might be suffering like hell if i hate this course, i have another 1 yr to go. a tough one too! so im delighted that i finally know that i love this course alot, but i hate doing things in a rush and bein under pressure.anyway everything went smoothly lar, good luck to you ms wardah. hope everything goes well for u in singapore. sad though because i've never have you as my lecturer before. but, strive for your future and be strong ms wardah =) cheers !

phew, im tired. nap ^^

drowning.

2009-11-29T05:36:00.001+08:00

a quick short post of my feeling at this moment. in fact, for this few weeks. i can barely breath peacefully. to do something that u like and once passionate about is pure pleasure, but everything has its limits kan? try doing it from day to night non-stop with ur ass sticking on the chair, u eventually hate it. not clear enough ? imagine u loveee kfc, try eating it for the whole damn day and u'll understand my situation. DROWNING is the exact word to describe my frustration. HELP ! WHEN IS IT GOIN TO END. IM GONNA PUKE LAR.

mummy, i dunwan to eat kfc lar. in fact, i've never been a hardcore fan of kfc. =(

im not hardworking.

2009-11-25T20:54:00.002+08:00

im not at all qualified to be categorized as a hardworking girl . once, i use to be a lazy bum, everything that comes into my mind is everything but homework. i dont live life solely by completing homeworks. completing homework has never been the main concern. now, its barely anything like that anymore. its the opposite of everything. i now officially live life solely by completing projects/assignments in time. i live life by trying to outstand everyone which is so not me, which is something unreachable. im trying to accomplish something that isnt measured for me. everyday i brain feed myself into doing hmw. i force myself to complete my assignments. i miss being me, i miss my old-self. its bloody torturing. its really bloody torturing. im starting to go out of control again. its coming back again. im so sick of it, when will all this end ?

*counting on how much more emo post im goin to blog, we'll c hw far it gets.

loss the ability to be patient.

2009-11-25T12:58:00.003+08:00

i get pissed of quite easily when im tired and stress. i tend to eat up people with my stares and words. my dear housie zoey just told me that im quite emo and sensitive this few days. true enough. i realise that long before anyone realise it. i've never ever experience before the stressful chaotic days like i had this two years, never before in my pass 18 years. im so frustrated even after everything is over. im frustrated that my head is half bald now, im frustrated that my health is deteriorating, im frustrated that im sleepy and tired all the time,im frustrated that i still have loads of drawings to complete. im frustrated about almost anything. everything in my sight is a fuss now. hence, when people slightly mention or say something dat provokes me, i tend to eat them up with my stares and words, eventho its jz a simply simple statement. i get so sensitive that i think everyone around me is so irritating. =( so sorry guys if i ever hurt u with words or anything .... bear in mind its not done in purpose. usually i dun bother if u pissed me off or tease me, but when im tired i loss the ability to be patient. so please dun tease me or pick a fight with me i have no energy left for that, its either i fight or flight. im sorry too to some of my old besties, i barely reply and layan with sincere in msn, im jz too tired for teasing right now. im alwayz a good target for teasing and silly jokes, but next time okay guys. sorry. let me boost myself up first =)

*everyone is so mentally and phsycally tired recently, we really do need a release trip =)

-off to nap -

random writings

2009-11-24T18:32:00.002+08:00

its only 6:33 but the skies are shockingly dark . is it me or you ? i thought im the only one who mixed up days with nights, nights with days. seems to me you are having a complicated period too . *sigh. last few stressful chaotic days drain out my soul. im neither happy nor sad. those tiny tingling sense of anxiousness cant seem to go away, its still lingering somewhere at the corner. sister's keepers drain my soul even deeper, but i like it. the book is more intresting though. "All work and no play makes jack a dull boy, all play and no work makes jack a mere toy. " true enough, but where is the balance between then ? right now im just trying to keep my finger on the pulse.

the pro and cons.

2009-11-23T19:31:00.000+08:00

im not goin to ramble about how stress im or how suffer im this few weeks as i've said enuf. ms elepahant says our blog is so boring now becoz its all about how stress we are in projects. Im jz listing out the pro's and con's of last few stressful chaotic weeks on final model making.

The con's
1. i vomited few times becoz of overly stress. * crystal clear water came out from the puke as i've consume nothing for days and days.
2. lost my appetite and ate nothing but biscuits and water.
3. major serious hair loss. my hair is all flat and dull now. half bald.
4. breakdown and cried alot.
5. stress level reach the max.
6. red small eyes for not sleeping enuf this two weeks. i almost didnt sleep.
7. dark eye circle begin to appear. my skin tone is dark enuf to cover it, so imagine when my dark circle is darker than my skin tone.
8.pale and souless.
9.my backbone hurts . sat too long on the chair , hours of model making turn me into an old lady.
10.seriously thought of giving up changing course and all.
11. make my parents and cousin in malacca worried about me.
12. seriously consider consulting a doc to help control my stress and ways to cope with my stress.
13. i cant differentiate the days now. everyday seems the same to me.

The Pro's
1. if the weighing machine next door is accurate, i lost 7 kg s in one week. *wow. great.
2. broke the record in completing my final in two days. two bloody hell days. a whole new unbelievable breakthru.

so thats the pro's and con's of last two weeks. im speechless tired phsycally and mentally. i cant take in anymore pressure at the time being. im very fragile now, so stay far away from me if u r looking for a fight or to tease me. im now a in a tired souless condition. i shall end this post with this : i've been thru hell all over again. lucky i found my way back.

p/s : really want to thanks ms elephant for phoning me now and then rambling and complaining the stress and workload. as u complain i've somehow found a way out for my stress and feelings, u speak for all the stress im enduring. u make me miss my best friend so much. thx again ms elephant =) muaksss . i shall buy you an elephant next time i see one ok =).

off to bed now. please dun make me die the next day ok. i still want to live.

stress to the max !

2009-11-16T15:22:00.000+08:00

im gonna burst out crying soon ! im so stress =( im so damn stress now =( i wana cry out loud again, i cant take it easy =( how ??? final model is due next week =( how ? how ? how ? final coloured model is due NEXT MONDAY . HOW ? T____________T how ? how ? im so stress and moody now =(((( how ? how ? i havent done my portfolio, its a big possibility i will only finish my portfolio on either wednessday or thursday =( i can only start my model on thursday . and i have only two days to finish my final model which will be thursday and friday, the worst on saturday. NO, i cant finish on saturday, i need at least two days for all the drawings T.T b'coz im pathetically slow in drawings. ms huwi huwi want all of the drawing ready on monday. 2 fully coloured with photoshop plans. fully develop sections with ceiling and lightings, 2 axono , 1elevation, most important perspectives with renderings . PERSPECTIVE ..... how ? im bad at perspective, ms huwi huwi is so strict she only want very very good ones =((( HOW ???? ALL IN 3/4 Days , HOW ?? T_____________T im so stresss ! mummy i dont want to study d ! papa, im so stress how T__T HOW ? this is the worst birthday ever ! i dont want anything for my birthday! i really dont want anything d, i just want everything to be done by next monday. i just want everything to be done .......=((( the best gift would be a release stress pill . please, i need it now =( T_____________T i really need it now. can i buy it in any pharmacies ? i cant phone my mum coz she would be stress out too ! i cant i cant i cant call her. T__________T please i beg to finish everything in that very minimum period. please. please. =(

MAKE ME STAY AWAKE PLEASE~

2009-11-13T18:40:00.002+08:00

AHHHH~ i wan to sleep lar. damn sleepy lar. i always feel sleepy and tired sitting at the table while doin my homework outside. GOD , help me lar,LORD mighthy, please help me lar, make me semangat abit boleh tak? I BEGGGGGG YOU. I need to finish my development models by today! so that i can go to pink bazzar with peace tomoro morning, so that when my parents come i can be in peace, i dont want my parents seeing me in a mess and stress to the max rushing for the due date. so LORD JESUS, KUAN YIN MAH, ALLAH, LORD KRISHNA, LORD LAKSHMI...ETC. PLEASE MAKE ME STAY AWAKE. GIVE ME MORE MOREEE MOREEE ENERGY .

i shall end this post with a sleepy pic.

meitu xiuxiu.

2009-11-11T19:43:00.006+08:00

muahaha ~ everyone knows im not a big shopaholic, i dont spend my money buying lotsa desired stuff. yes, i may desire something for months but i wont buy it even though its on sale or wat, (coz usually on sale also damn expensive, branded mah =D) i would only look at it, touch it and leave ! =( so sad rite, such is the life of a student, somemore art student! everybit of my money is wasted in models cards and uhu , damnit. =(

BUT ! recently i release my own-self , i release the shopaholic in me ! muahhaaa i bought lots lots lots of HATSSSSSS. =DDDDD

we'll let the pictures do the talking =D

winter knitted beret

colourfull beanie of spring

xmas hat for this coming xmas celabration.

street cap

grandmother's knitted beanie

pure white beret

choco brown knit cap

flower knit cap

lalala ~nice or not my bargains ??? muahhahaaa ....im also in shock, i've never ever tried on those hats before and i dont even wear caps or hats wan !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OKLAR, i edit those pics lar ! i didnt buy those hats lar. i so stingy and poor ,wont buy wan lar.muahaha, im currently overly excited about the new software i've downloaded, still havent get over it yet =D yiiiiiiiiiii! the software damn cute lor, still got nail art , contact lenses, specs, accesories....etc. its actually a simpler version of photoshop much much chio-er den photshop too !

btw, since cayenne my roomie wish to see me in heavy make-up which is quite rare ......hence the pic below is dedicated to u CAYENNE LIM . NAH.....!

i look super hideous lar ok. edited with my newly discovered software too. I add in eyelashes, eyeshadow make-up, and some blusher. AND i hapus all my pimples ! =( reli hate my pimply face. its reli much more easier to hapus the pimples using this software then in photoshop. cayenne i look like one of the prostitutes in the movie "taken" lar.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and since my dear zoe always complain about my chubby fat round face , i shall dedicate this pic to her . NAH .....!

so zoe? u still wan my face to be thin or not ? damn ugly lar ok, my nose all distorted and i look like some weird retard bimbo. my lips almost like hoay phing's. LOL.

kindly visit http://xiuxiu.meitu.com/ if you are interested =D ciao. i shall end this post with another pic that i randomly edit.

random post.

2009-11-11T02:35:00.000+08:00

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” and “Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.”

-steve job -

how to kill a cockroach ~

2009-11-10T14:23:00.004+08:00

lets all clasp our hands together and pray for the beloved cokroach that i have murdered 5 months ago.
tadahhhh! =D gosh, i feel so happy i actually committed such crime. everyone close to me would surely knw that i have cats phobia, i fear cats to the utmost. ok, may be even strangers knws i have this phobia, coz i jump and scream at every encounter with cats. BUT ! im totally cool with insects and tiny reptiles =D. all this long i have been the famous murderer for cockroaches , teeehee =D

1st, to be a skillful coackroach murderer, u have to have good vision to aim and act quickly.

the all time favourite weapon is plastic bags tissues and any solid object . ya, just these three ! no nid for the guns and parangs. 2nd, use the plactic bag as ur glove, we wont want any finger prints left behind rite? HOLD UR BREATHE, aim and stare quietly at ur victim, DO NOT BLINK UR EYES, ur victim may run away in that few seconds u blink! bear in mind that we want effectiveness, DEAD at the first attempt, we dont wan to waste time on just one ! muahahaa~

If your victime is dumb enuf to stay still and not run away at the sight of you, quickly with all ur strenght trap the stupid victim with ur plastic glove u had just now, and then with all the bravery u have SQUASH IT ! till u hear the cringing voice of its broken limbs.

last but not least, you would want to double check to make sure its dead so that u can print out the death certificate, u open ur plastic bag, use the tissues we prepared and SQUASH IT one more time, till u hear the satisfying sound of blood spurting out !

TADAAAH ! ITS DEAD~ u may proceed to fling your victim out of the window, or if u are so kind enuf to bury your own victim , do it then. another alternatives, u may take nude photos of ur obsessions just like what i did and keep it under your pillow, look at it every night before u doze off =D

LALALA ~ gosh i sound like a pervert atrocious murderer.

if this post doesnt help u , im available 24 hours for the service:

contact me at :017-1234567 =D

decisions making.......ARGH~

2009-11-05T19:41:00.005+08:00

ARGH~ im in intense stresss, one of those decisions-that-affect-your-day- moment. shud i go or not ? shud i go ? no? yes? no? yes? shud i? shud not? shud i? shud not? *pengsan.

if i go what shud i get for them ?

an apple bouquet?

or a creative veggie bouquet?

or i shud just go with plain ballons?

wait, i haven even figure out go or not to go yet ? YES ? NO ? YES ? NO ?

KUAN YIN MAH, HELP ME MAKE DECISIONS LEH. today is ur birthday, i ate vegetarian for half a day. im good rite. so shud i go ? no ? yes? .....*pengsan.

a pang of conscience

2009-11-05T00:39:00.002+08:00

So are you still BUSY? I'm sure there's a moment in time that we are not. If you could have time to chat online with a random stranger, you could have picked up the phone and call your dear friend. If you could have the time to play game at home, you could have spend the evening for a football game (example) with your friends or even coffee...If your friends could spend time for you, why can't you? People are too keen to make new and more friends, but they just freaking don't know how to retain those friends they make...It's not the volume, it's the quality. If you have 1,000 you-think-it's-your-friends-but-they-are-not-coz-you-never-bothered-to-get-to-know-them-closer, who would be there for you when you need help?

-Ms Elise-

shameful to admit it, but i've probably made one of the silliest mistake all of us will make once in a while. just because u are a guy, i took you for granted. I actually did one of those things that only hypocrites would do. u would sms me 10 times, but i might only reply 3 times. u ask me out but never for once did i make my promises. u took the initiative to keep in touch with me while i thought that u were quite annoying. u remembered my birthday while i only remembered once. u gave me present when all the time i had forgotten its ur birthday. never for once did i feel shameful till our last conversation just now which i reckon would be our last if i never undo the wrongs that i have made.

Im sorry. if in future u never would even wanto look at me or may b u recognize me but u are just freaking tired of my attitude, i would never blame you.because its all my fault. i still do treasure you but i guesse i took you for granted and broke our relationship. sorry.

thanks to me, i've successfully pissed off one of my long time friend.

weird dream.

2009-11-04T18:30:00.002+08:00

wow, i just had the weirdest dream i have in months. havent being dreaming for a long time d actually. got to jot down before i forget again.

so this is how the dream goes: out of sudden i duno why im together with my mum and miss mong *my mum's good friend. den out of sudden i met n'ji and the rest of house of nine, out of the blue, we all agree to go for a trip to some island * i forgot which island is it, its island lar . now that is weird! my mum and house of nine ?? nvm. the weirdest has yet to come. i rmb i sms cayenne to tell her im now on board in the plane flying of to a island to have my weekend . *damn rich weh, spend every weekend in island !. ok, isnt it a rule for a passengers to turn off their phone while on board, heck no! mine is on ! lol. *shit! i forgot why i turn on the phone , urgh! nvm, ok i duno why suddenly the plane landed on my house *@@* i think its for me to rest or wat before flying further. Then out of nowhere, my other group of besties appear infront of me, they claim to have been on the same plane as me with the same destination ! gosh. ok nvm, the best part is here, i caught my soulmate *hui ying pacing on some old street opposite my house, so i went to question her why isnt she joining us ? why is she looking like a a retard pacing up and down on some dirty old streets....lo and behold, she said she's afraid of joining us because of a guy name mark ! @@ ! now when did mark appear in this big picture ? and she claim that her" mark" is the "mark" that i knw ! * GOSH ! its hoay phings boyfriend ! she then told me the full story of how mark broke up with hoay phing and how she got to knw him and blah blah blah ....HAHAHA FUNNY MAN . actually i forgot what is so funny, but i knw its funny. sigh* why i always canot rmb the full story wan .

weird or not ? hmmm, doesnt sound so, duno lar, at that time when i woke up its super funny and weird lor, i even sms my soulmate to tell her. laughs* i think still have wan , but while trying and concentrating to rmb i somehow forgot about the rest ...haha. c if i rmb tonight. i wan to knw the ending =DD

its their convocation !

2009-11-03T14:48:00.005+08:00

Ahhh~ its my besties convocation ~ ouwwww congratz to both of u for officially ending ur childhood days and stepping out to the world of superficiality. i wan so baddd to go to u guys convocations...but but...sigh* we'll c, if im there then im there, if im nt then im not, for some reasons ok. but for now lets just say that IM GOING =DD

PLEASSSSEEE PRETTTY PLEAASEE dear all pimples , please back off for a moment from my face boleh tak? i wan to look good for my besties convo. T_____T please lar, boleh lar, i'll feed u with doxycyline. deal ? u may burst as much as u like after that convo ok. *ok, no, dun burst out afterdat too*

congrats again to two of my besties =DD am proud of u both. =D

=(

2009-11-02T16:55:00.002+08:00

felt so terrible today .T___________T

I duno why, but i realise this year im more tense-up and in stress. i guesse previous year taught me alot on time management and hardworking-ness. hence, this year, im alwayz reminding myself to complete my assignments and projects fast and effectively focusing on quality and quantity. i've told myself repeatly even before year2 starts. which is why this year i expect more out of myself . I get so tense -up easily if i nv meet one of those criterias that i've set for myself, once im tense-up i feel like crying and bawling. I duno, call me a cry baby or wat, but it reli makes me feel better only after i cried, may be thats my nature. =(

from the 1sat day of yr 2 i'm all set getting my amor suit prepared, all tense-up ready to conquer my first assignment. i knw i sucks at computer & software skills, but am not ready to give up yet, i knw i can master the skills if i work hard. i pressure myself to nt be a blur dumbo in the class, i listen with three ears, i dun mind being an annoying student repeatly asking questions till i get it, i felt like an annoying dumbo who everyone hates becoz im so dumb, but i dun care because at the end of the day, i understand and that is important because im nt goin to let myself get stuck with softwares like last year. i make myself practise autoCAD at least once a week , if i dont i get tense-up bcoz i think i might be lacking behind. so far, im quite satisfied with my progress, the only subject that im still cool with it .

Coming to project class ! i really do have a phobia now of project classes and tutorials. its so omfg tense lor ! everyone is so competitive in the class, even our tutor says so. Its only research mah ! Today was my first ever mental breakdown in yr2. ok so may b its not such a big deal to other students but it is to me.T_______T because i didnt complete my hmw and that is a sin to me.
=( felt so ashame of myself now. i know i can just blame rujia for it, but its really my own fault for not being independent enuff. so rujia, no worries i dont blame u =) . i didnt do concept models !!!! =(((( ok, so ms huwi huwi say its actually due on next mon, but everyone also do d !! =(( was freeze to the max in class, buterflies in my stomach cant even bring myself to speak moreover present. i almost burst out crying JUST BECAUSE OF THE F&%^$#$% MODELS. T__________T i felt like running out of class, i cant bear myself knowing others have completed their work but im nt up to par with them. LUCKILY, ms huwi huwi says its ok to show on wednessday. But i still feel bad & dissapointed on myself =( T____________T

i knw im nt as good and perfect like my friends, so i just have to workharder . people say "if u'r dumb, then work like a cow to cover up ur dumb-ness " well said. =)

*This is a whining post, dun expect it to be filled with a happy cheerful tone. skip if you cant accept. Its my blog. =)

T_________________________T

2009-10-31T01:10:00.005+08:00

Im SO SO SO SO SO SO duple triple quadruple sad T_____________T that my roomie is moving out =( im in such intense sadness that i dun even feel like talking bcoz i might cry any minute T_____T i love my roomie so much, but she's moving out coz she doesnt love me anymore =(

i shall bury my intense sadness by watching souless humour series which might make me cry more than laugh T_________T.

christmast carols

2009-10-04T03:56:00.003+08:00

T___________________________T attacked by insomnia again! ouwwww. ..why cant i sleep. can sleep dunwan sleep, when canot sleep baru bising bising. i think i mush have gone crazy, im too free, bored and tired, but i just cant sleep. INSTEAD, i ended up listening to christmast carols, hoping that i may fall asleep soon. INSTEAD, i ended up downloading a bunch of christmast carols. INSTEAD, i started to hum in the dark while my roomies are fast asleep. INSTEAD, i get more and more energetic listening to the songs. IN THE END i ended up here blogging. T________T seriously consider consulting a doc. i dunwan to die early. T____T

gosh its 4 am nw. i wana kill myself !

happy 21st shu mei and ah yong =D

2009-10-04T00:45:00.002+08:00

dear shu mei & ah yong :

happy birthday shu mei & ming yong! u guys are officially 21 now ! ouwww, i feel so sad i cant be at the party celebrating with u guys. T______T sorry. anyway, we bought u a prezzie shu mei ! will give it to u when im bc next week. its a silver stainless steel wrist band with ur name carve on it. yeah ! ur BIG* name carve on it !ok , i feel like swearing now ! I SWEAR IM NT STEPPING INTO THAT SHOP EVER AGAIN !deep breathe* ok lets not spoil the mood. HOPE YOU LIKE IT =D its from me, hui ying, ann hwang, mauteng, ah kiat & yu fatt. =DD anyway credits shudbe given to me coz i chose that prezzie ! lalala =P

ah yong, if u'r reading this, u'll receive ur prezzie too. its a secret! deng deng * lol. an apology again from all of us in kl for nt turning up for the party. im glad that after so long, we are still as good as before, as chitchatty as before . love u guys ! * sorry, am nt in the mood for blogging currently, coz im aroused by the sound of my roomie cayenne playing guesse the sketch ! =D arrghhh.....im goin to join them now. ..... byeeeeee ! *

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN !

happy mid autumn ~

2009-10-03T01:58:00.004+08:00

i miss mummy . i miss papa . i miss brian. T________________T i miss home terribly =(

happy mid autumn to all !

再见上弦月，告别下弦月，迎接全满月；月圆人团圆，赏月思故乡；游子四处游，心中念亲友；赏月如遇亲，心中已团圆；八月仲秋节，赏月好佳节；月亮特别圆，感觉特别近；月是好佳节，月饼挂嘴边。希望未能和家人庆中秋的游子，仲秋节快乐。

moonlight shinning through the window,
i wonder if its the frost on the ground ?
looking up, i see the moon hung high,
missing my hometown when i tilt my head down.

my third day in coll ~

2009-10-01T13:44:00.002+08:00

ahh~ im nt in the mood for blogging since i came bc to kl, and first few days was terrible. i still havent get over the fact that im entering yr 2 and classes have start. the 5 months hols was like a dream, now it felt like i've been drag out from heaven to hell all over again. i dont feel like socializing, i dont feel like goin anywhere fancy,having any fancy meal. part of me wants to fleet away from the flock,but my consious mind ask me to stay close. im still trying to fit myself in and get use to it,though i dont really feel like doing anything at all. And now, i officially hate long holidays. i rather it be a short one, long ones tend to make one lazy and fall in back to our comfort zone. urghh ! i hate long holidays! i've never felt this terrible before! previous hols was short and fun and i always look forward coming back for coll. so please please no more long hols please...

i'm gonna sue kbu if they give long hols again ! cheat people wan ! stilll have to pay rental somemore!

* im just trying to burn away the time by blogging while waiting for a meeting at 2.30. sobs* everyone else is having cad class but im notT_____T oh why do i have to be in a different group. sigh* life is like dis kan ? we cant alwez get what we want, so i'll just have to stick with it. i've loads of pending pics and post act, but later lar...wait till im in a better mood =)

times up! ciao. time really does fly. gosh.....

therthy who lives by the window.

2009-08-26T18:01:00.003+08:00

received a sms from cayenne. T__________________T two years-old therthy died T T. its even more sad-der than when my own tweety died. tweety died early, but therthy was with us for two whole years. therthy was with us for the bloody two years that we thrived thru our course&projects. i will never forget the day four of us bought our tortoise back. we name them tweety,therthy,tutty&tortie.

it was a joyful and exciting day, because all four of us bought a tortoise . we just walk pass this pet shop in one-u and decided to buy these cute little tortoise and each of us walk out with a bulky tortoise case with us thru out the shopping spree. it was a spur-of-the-moment buy.

and now two are dead ! T_______T its dying one by one. people said tortoise live long, but our tortoise are destine to have a short -life. =( rest in peace therthy, and tell tweety for me that i suddenly miss him.

hi, blog.

2009-08-17T12:53:00.002+08:00

ok, im abandoning my blog again. but..but..im so obsessed with my daily life now, that i think im satisfied enough nt to go online for a while..and ..and ...T______T father has given final warning on overusage of my laptop. Every now and then , upon encountering with a special event or b'days, or outings with frens , or some funny incident or ....etc. i said to me-self ...i will blog about tis! ...im so gonna blog about this.!...im gona..... blah blah blah, leaving a mental note to not forget about it. But ..but ...T__________T, because of inconvenience, i have to wait till everyone in
the house cleared. But....but...when dat time has come, i lost the touch of blogging about it. =(
darn ! looks like its goin to be like dis till i get back to kl, where i can blog freely.

list of new tittles which are non-existing , yet.
1. yum char with long-time-no-see friends.
2. de bak chang maker =)
3. bro's cheesie the great.
4. my sister's keeper.
5.my awful medicine
6.b'days that i have miss out.
7.the cute kids.
8. darling cousin.

aih....oh when ~on when~, will i finally blog about all this. ok bye. need to go mop the darn floor now. c u when i c u , blog. ciao.

im sick ~ Booohoooo=(

2009-08-03T22:57:00.002+08:00

BEEN ATTACKED BY FEVER, SERIOUS COUGH, & FLU FOR A WEEK AND STILL GOING ON.

UPDATES ON TERRIBLE MEDICINE LATER . OFF TO REST NOW . CIAO.

no tittle ~

2009-07-27T13:15:00.003+08:00

havent been online for ..erm two and a half days, and it felt like ages! ....frens too felt like im gone for ages! ....dat is de wonder of internet =) feel lazy to mengarang , so i'll make it point form. beginning to love it =D

met a totally childish -but is mature in phsyical guy. make new frens * shock with the open-ness of campbell aunty * tesco is much more friendlier than econsave * swear to heart i'll nv work in econsave again * congrats to me for having one thousand in my cimb bank account * i wan new attire ! * i wan do shoping with my shopaholic frens ! * went for jusco member day * got a couple of new tees * in search for an awesome denim jeans * saw my fren's wife pregnant with bulky belly * i wana watch transformer,angels and demons, ice age3,up, terminator, 1901, * cutted my fringe and look like a pharoah =) * went to print de brochures =DD * i broke my promise on nt to cosume fast food for a yr * went pizza-ing with my favourite bunch of frens * goin for more tea kosong with frens tonight * jogging with soulmate tomoro * bye *

"i ran out of ideas for this title "

2009-07-17T11:12:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,

sorry for abandoning u again. sorry for taking u for granted & posting random post just for the sake of u nt looking empty for too long. to be honest, i've alot to blog about, i've alot of heart to heart stuff that i wish i can find myself the exact words for them. may be all i need is the guts to face them , then the words will find me. hav not been happy this few days, and hated it. =( i'v lost a fren which i adore so much back then. i dont know her now, she's a stranger now. so , things do change huh ??

* the brighter side of this post is , im goin to hangout with my darling cousin amanda this afternoon. =DDDD

another random post .....

2009-07-08T14:26:00.002+08:00

Its another random boring post . nothing much lately. working as usual . sleeping much as usual . sick for one week . done a couple of beauty salon's brochure . more brochures to go . mmu's volleyball club t-shirt design soon . prunes . more yogurts . birthdays . dissapointments . feeling secure . dreaming double . addicted to "you are not alone" . praises . losing my insomia . finish all story books . going for second round . searching for quality books . currently indulging in encyclopedia . helping bro in drawings & murals . missing someone terribly . nagging mum . nagging dad . planning the masive murder of mr chin . network is networth . giving it a second go . plurk . soulmates's three weeks hols . got a new ELS tee(finally) . felt like shit . self-lock . a chit-chat dream . facebooking .

BLAH BLAH BLAH...... N....N.....

*mood : bad .

randomly

2009-06-29T13:14:00.002+08:00

have been thinking and doubting about the sincerity of "haha's" in msn......

"haha, yea...im goin there..."

"yea , rite ...haha "

"haha, yalor yalor ...."

" haha, im gona do that too..."

"ooh..haha....."

does it sounds like a "haha" anymore ?
more like a punctuation mark.

我选择迷迷糊糊。。。

2009-06-28T23:21:00.002+08:00

并不是我迷迷糊糊过日子，是我选择迷迷糊糊。
我宁愿自己是迷迷糊糊的，都不要把自己看得聪明点。
迷迷糊糊的眼中只会盯上迷迷糊糊的事与人。

my legs are killing me ~

2009-06-27T23:32:00.002+08:00

1) urgh ! my legs are freaking painful. to be exact, it's toes .

2) didnt work as a promoter for two yrs, and im like a greenhorn again .

3) call me the fearnleaf girl that snatch&distribute "melk" from the cow in switzerland XD

4) econsave's back entrance+staff entrance+store rooom sucks ! smelly ! gross ! nasty ! *google the synonym of disgusting and u'll find everything there that suits!*

5) econsave is full of bloody malays.

6) Back entrance's staff is bloody rude.

7) fernleaf melk is bloody smelly.... well, i've never love melk

8) i took bloody half an hour to dismantle the entire booth + send it to store room+wash the bloody smelly melk container.

9) someone stole melk from the supermarket today !! get caught too ! *economy is so unsecure nowadays. *

10) for the first time in my entire two months hols, i feel sleepy at 11:30 .

11) I finally found the antidote to my insomia.

12) my legs are still killing me =(

13) i'll date mr moon early today.

NIGHT WORLD.

random....

2009-06-26T00:33:00.003+08:00

well, im nt busted. But a flu is attacking me...ouwhhh ~ talk about perfect timing ! =(

p/s : Death comes at the most unexpected ordinary day. A tribute to world music legend, king of pop - Michael Jackson.

overcharge ~

2009-06-23T13:48:00.004+08:00

i've never thought that i would ever come across the word OVERCHARGE. =) im so glad that im nt only fully charge but OVERCHARGE. hmmmm, but i think it aint doin me any good. =DDDD i hangout and hav supper with mr moon every middle of the night & wakeup just in time to have afternoon tea with mr sun. =DDD ahhhhhh, satisfaction~now and then, my peeps are complaining of hw bored and meaningless their holiday is and i find it funny though, b'coz im nt complaining at all =DDD why ?? duno either. its just my own perspective that, having all the time dedicated to ur family, have a long rest , let ur mind stray away is a good way of enjoying holidays too =) may be im jz nt like my peeps who cling on to work and meaningful activities to fufill their holidays. talking about cash flow, im doin part time for that, and blisfully happy that its only on weekends. which means i still have weekdays for my friends =DDDD

my holidays are not boring at all ..well sometimes yes, but nt the desperately bored type.

i help ah ma cook everyday for our dinner and lunch.

i do house chores everyday

i look after my dad's office once in a while

i hangout with my darling cousin amanda frequently.

chill out with my buddies sometimes

indulging in story books everyday

part time job as promoter on weekends.

watch movie every now and then.

awesome right ? i get to spend time with my family and indulge in my own stuff too =) i duno about others,but im satisfied with my hols ...=)

p/s : im goin training in a while, pls pls pray that i dun giggle out when aunt soon may speaks in english. im goin to be busted then! ahhhh amitofo~

signature

2009-06-18T18:07:00.003+08:00

lalaaaa , im happy for my new signature...

random stuffff

2009-06-16T23:42:00.002+08:00

*sigh* i miss my gang in kl. reli do miss them. am goin bc for one day in a couple of days, still havent decide which day yet. gotta get my black pants in my locker, and my ipod charger that i left there, and to bring bc the big photo frame that i intended to use for hand-crafts & a couple of sprays. gona do some artwork.

waiting patiently for weekends to come.

p/s : may be i've over-reacted lil bit . still, im wounded. im confuse, is it me or you ?

emo

2009-06-15T05:49:00.002+08:00

went thru ur profile , saw ur pics and realise u actually did come bc to malacca. T_________T
im speechless. and to think that we sms on the day when u act did come bc but didnt tell me, and when u didnt reply my msn messages when u reli did come bc , was a stab in my heart. may be im wrong about our friendship all the time T_____________T. how can u do this to me ?? when we were so close once before. all the promises that we made are all craps and bullshit huh? i didnt expect u to come back everytime to go out with me , or to hangout with me. i just hope that u can tell me when u come bc , u knw, so called once bestest frens. T____________T

may be friendship do change, or am i the one who havent grow up yet? it gotta be me rite ? im still dat stupid innocent girl that holds on to our relationship tightly like a precious gem. im the only one that keep on putting the effort to stay close together, may be u loathed it. im sorry that i've turn out to be a friend that u have to hide ur whereabout from. i shud jz grow up ! our friendship will never go back rite ? things do change. dun worry, i get it now.

just for this once , for the entire 7 years of being my best best besties and soulmate

I HATE U !

plain gabbling ~

2009-06-15T03:51:00.002+08:00

phew ~ just finish helping my papa marking english exam papers and recording marks. guesse what ! im all alone doin it dwnstair while my dearest papa is fast asleep upstair ! haahaa.....well, i dun mind act, since i cant sleep might as well do some work =)

tomoro is school reopen for the kids after two weeks of holidays, and my "very efficient" papa left all the papers till the last day to mark =.= . NO, actually is for me to mark ! haah . I got a huge surprise from marking the papers ! "huge" . so my father gave instructions and rule of marking to me, and then ! he said : when u record the marks rite, see carefully the names ya , my class got alot of idiots who cant even spell their names! some dun even knw their full name ! my response was HAAAHAAAAA, THATS A JOKE ! * continue marking *

THEN ! tadahhhh ! i met the idiot. OMG ! how can someone totally miss-spelled his/her own name ?? HOW WOULD IT BE ?? may be its acceptable if its a small miss-spelled in it, BUT this fellow sure didnt make a small mistake ! his name was :

VIRNESSWARAAN A/L RASAJAM
and he spelled it :
RIVIKINESWARAAN

i have a strong feeling he didn't forgot his full name, HE DUNO WAT IS IT ! i wasted time looking for god-knows-how many times in the name list for his name, and my father pointed it out in one minute. kanasai! honestly , i felt sad for him. not knowing ur own name is a disaster, imagine having to write ur name in exams or to fill form, but u duno the exact spelling of ur name, and u have to simply scribble one. that is soooooo sad, ur name is ur identity ! well, its his name not my name~ my father is so goin to whack him, and he deserve it.

after finish marking, i totally support the education ministry's idea of making English language a MUST-PASS subject equivalent to bahasa malaysia. all the papers that i have mark are mostly malay's and the most they get out of 15 is 4 , imagine that. for so many yrs we chinese thrive hard to pass in bahasa malaysia, no doubt we done well. so now, its ur turn to thrive as hard to pass English. im not saying all chinese is good in English * i myself hav alot to work on* and all malays are bad in it, but as overall, it seems so. Its high time our contry improve now.

ok ! finish gabbling. time for beeeed. night blog ^^

deep thoughts

2009-06-13T03:40:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i think im a hypocrite. i often remind myself and is proud of myself for being a person who value friendship as much as my family. i boasted around how much friendship means to me. i gave wise words to people to handle their relationship with their friends, i find reasons for them to appreciate that someone which they hate and find faults with.

but i failed long time ago, to do that myself.

pimples breakout !!!!

2009-06-12T12:20:00.003+08:00

arghhhhh !!!! big big gigiantic pimples loaded with yellowish liquid inside, one poke BURST ! ooze out together with fresh red blood ! *sobz*...when is my pimples goin away ?? i've been staying at home for a week now, no face to meet people. I WANA GO OUT ! .....huhuhu...please fast fast go away. dun stay there forever, i still have dates with frens to go ot with.....*sobz*

p/s : pray to god that tomoro my face will be clean&clear , then i can go eat satay celup =) *im nt goin anywhere unless this thing goes off *

pp/s : people are pissed off because im nt replying smses. holy great . now i have to sms double to say sorry. GREAT!...they expect me to reply when wat they ask is just wat r u doin , eat d ? hw r u today ? *cycle repeat from morning to midnight* EVERY FREAKING DAY .

good morning world

2009-06-11T08:58:00.005+08:00

GOOD MORNING WORLD ! woooo ! im up early today ! super duper early, 7:30 , imagine that ! after coming back from kl , i slept my butt off as much as i can, u knw i appreciate my beauty-sleep very much nowadays. cant blame me =) i've been sleeping in clockwise hours in kl. i would rather sleep than go anywhere =)

today was exceptional, coz my dad called someone to modify our roof. lately there's been lotsa break-ins in our area. so, we gotta wake up early to prevent dust while the workers knock off the roof and add in some secret weapon to prevent thieves =)

now, im at my grandma house doing nothing , so sleepy=( can feel my eyes closing, yet i can still blog , hehee. urghhhh! i cant upload photos to facebook beacause of low connection, sigh. but im still thankful that i at least hav a connection. cant ask for more, will die of boredom if cant go online. i'll just have to go to someone's house to upload de photos den.

*eyes fully close* im just babbling...that happens when im sleepy ...buh byeeeeee....im off dreamin now....gona sleep. yawn... * mode off *

p/s : renee, in case u drop by here, sorry , cant upload the photos. low connection. will try to uploas it as fast as i can ~

A once in a blue moon trip =)

2009-06-11T01:54:00.010+08:00

At last, a once in a blue moon trip. everytime goin on trips with kl friends, i would enjoy every trip telling myself it would be a hundred times better if i were to go with my malacca bunch of friends. Then i would start dreaming , ahhh....with hui ying and all, it will be an awesome trip =). so the first thing on my mind when i came bc for my hols was to plan a small gathering trip. well, its kind of a dissapoinment for me, many of them cant make it b'coz of studies and jobs especially my soulmate -hui ying =( but still, im glad for this trip which brings me to meet up with some old faces and new faces =)

ok handsup ! i surrender, next to cats, another thing that i fear is heights ! in spite of friends teasing me while on the cable car, i brave myself to deny it. and it sure sucks ! huhuhu, dats the second time in my entire life being on that wobbly thinghy ! imagine it hanging up only-god-knws how high !! wobbling all thru the journey =( and it doesnt help with people teasing u somemore! cant blame me wat, im scare of heights ler xp. it freak me out when it first move, but better later on. thank god.

karaoke at genting was nt as expensive as i think. in fact its cheap .

unfortunately, which to me is fortunately, we decided to not go to theme park and instead just hang around , chit -chat together. you see, i have this love-hate affair with theme parks. i love being there looking at the crowds with happy faces , screaming their lungs off as if trying to scream away their troubles & stressful life, small kids hugging gigantic teddy bears. i love it all BUT, i dunwan to be part of them =( nope, i dunwan to scream my lungs off. being thru once and its terrifying ! blame me for being a chicken . blame it to heights. i'm satisfied enuf to just be a spectator...heeehe =) and well off camwhore-ing =)

dear kah ling was attacked by headache from the beginning of the trip till the end, which pretty much explain her moodiness and my quite-down mood. she was the closest to me compare to the others, naturally i have to teman her and make sure she enjoy this trip. if she needs a rest i'll hav to make sure she gets her rest. base on her reaction & mood during de trip, i think i didnt do a great job. so sorry kahling for nt making this trip awesome for you. sorry. felt guilty =(

cant say that its an awesome trip,but still i'm glad for it. when will be able to have a trip like this again ? it will be ages i think. everyone scattered in places to study as well as work, busy with their own life, its a miracle if we can ever gather properly, with everyone turning up. *let me make that as my birthday wish* i have to wish for that. thats how hard it is for us to be able to gather together.

studying in kl has made me miss all of my malacca friends more than ever, although we seldom meet up and keep in contact, i love u guys nonetheless & appreciate everyone of you =)* looking forward to having a blasting trip with u guys, which i shall wish it may come soon one of these days.*

p/s : to those that didnt make it to the trip : huiying,mingyong,cailing,shiyin,renee,ahkiat,yufatt,wailoon, love u guys too =)

pp/s: yeo hui ying, told u i wont be myself without u ! u r the missing piece to me soulmate ! miss u ! better get ur butt back here before i die of boredom !

~ cheers to friendship ~

my results are out~

2009-06-09T23:18:00.002+08:00

a failure ~ i work super hard for my yr one. i shed blood , tears and sweat. i sacrifice my health mentally and physically and rejected alot of friend's request to meet up in malacca, i miss out lotsa fren's b'day. for that everything, i got a "B". GREAT~ so great. does this mean im not working hard ? is it true ? dat im slacking ? i've never work so hard for my entire life, but it doesnt seems enuff.

friends comfort and encourage me dat "B" is nt bad d.... act is very good.... they just didnt c how hard i work for it and in the design stream, getting a "B" is a slap in ur face if u wanna succed. goin thru year one is alredy a tough thing, overcoming every obstacle that i face with tears and phsycho myself to keep goin on with the stress that i often thought will one day kill me ~ looks like i'll have to go extra extra extra super duper hard for my year two. and i hope i can pull thru it. there will be more tears, more blood and more sweat. "looking forward to it"

the only thing dat is on the bright side is, everytime after the end of one sem i alwez thought, dis time im reli through wit it, my passion has faded i give up. BUT apparently, it doesnt =) luckily i can say, if nt im goin to live a hell goin thru another two years. after all the stress blood sweat and tears, i still have high hopes and great dreams for it. =) so, this holiday turns out to be a good thing for me. i fully used evry holiday to recharge and re "find" my half-lost passion that was burried under the stressfulness and workload. im so glad that passion found its way home =)

*deep breath* tell myself , im goin to work extra super duper tripple harder ( i'll leave quadrupple for year 3) for year 2. i knw i can do it, just dat tiny little bit more. im glad i have my passion back now,without it i'll never get thru another 2 years. =) year 2 here i come in another 3 months .

wish me luck in goin thru another deeper level phase of hell.

im waiting ......

2009-06-08T11:46:00.002+08:00

im waiting for photos julian , before i can post them up.
im waiting for phone calls.
im waiting to experiment on someone's reaction.
im waiting for u to make the first step.
im waiting for ur "next week" reply ms huwi hwi.
im waiting for u to buy me that papa.
im waiting for u to come back hui ying, so that we can at least meet ONCE in my 5 months hols.
im waiting for the satay celup night guys.
im waiting for a beach/pulau trip guys.
im waiting for ur sms reply dear.
im waiting for u to stop bugging me, coz im tired of u.
im waiting for someone important to accept me in facebook friend's request.
im waiting to go out with my dear ming yong.
im waiting to go to my grandma house to stay for a day or two

NOW, im waiting for my mum to fetch me out !

im off to genting =)

2009-05-31T12:44:00.003+08:00

am going to genting with my malacca friends tomoro =) hope all goes well and i can coax them to camwhore with me . teeheee. malacca friends r kinda different with my kl bunch of friends =) they dun camwhore much . but .....i will try ....hohohohohoho...

thee, thou, thy, thine.

2009-05-28T12:10:00.004+08:00

" Yesterday, I saw thee and thy friend on the street. Wast thou going somewhere with him? I saw thee sitting behind the wheel, so I thought thou wert (or thou wast) the driver. Was the car his or thine? I didn’t know thou hadst thy license."

I'm so into English literature recently. actually it was way back into my secondary yrs that i have the passion for English literature in fact, it was one of the subject i considered taking up too. but i left it behind my mind after deciding to settle down to IAD.

recently, b'coz I'm so free, i decide to dig it out of my mind , do some research and some self -teaching study =) I'm that diligent, keke..... and i still find it amusing =) its a pleasure and interesting experience u know to research way back into the beautiful language people back then speak of. i find it amusing that the language our society now speak of can have such big differences from the period back then. usually, people improve rite ? from period to period the societies are improving, life style are changing turning into a luxury period where people are willing to spend everything to IMPROVE in any and every aspect.

but, sadly no one seems to care much about the etiquette of speaking languages.as a matter of fact, it gets worse. people seems to mangle the grammar badly enough to send knowledgeable people into hysterics. we can so often hear self- created vocab and suprisingly, people do remember those words rather than the standard english vocab, and spread it like a contagious virus. weird rite ? to me its just the matter of wether are u willing to learn or not. if u can adapt to such vocab and influence your peeps too, why cant you learn the proper way of speaking the language?

hmm, remember those beauty pageant shows where contestant were always ask of their dreams ? u can just turn off the tv knowing that they will surely give the universal answer which is world peace lar...no war lar....save the animals lar....donate for the orphans lar....ALL CRAPS !
we all know its all bullshit. well, hehe if i were to answer it , i will surely say : i want the world ( at least my country malaysia)to speak proper decent language so that no other country will look down on us and may be our country will be famous ..u knw , for being the most proper brought-up country ...hahahahaaaa.

p/s: imagine the whole country speaking thee and thou ..hahaaa. funny =)

lost of words

2009-05-26T12:18:00.002+08:00

recently, i have the habit of not replying my sms messages. recently, i have double the amount of messages i usually receive . not having the urge to reply instanly, b'coz i jst dunno wat to reply ! i honestly have no idea what i shud reply. sometimes i can just linger at the message for god-knows-how-many- minutes, in the end i give up replying. when i chose to reply, its either b'coz im force to sleep early and i aint falling asleep, so i start replying messages that i havent reply or i reply the next day out of guiltness =( partly, im just being annoyed at how people text their mesages and the way they construct questions before the question forming in their minds. others, i just really have no answers for ur message.

this is so goin to piss off those that sms me. sorry, im undergoing the lost of words period. Those that i replied, congrats. that means you are worth replying to, and ur messages are nt that dumb. =)

p/s: im goin to get a new phone soon =) may be, i will reply all of your messages then, out of excitement of having a new phone =) teehee.

thunderings~

2009-05-21T23:07:00.002+08:00

i heard the grumblings of thunder and i know a storm is not far away now. shall i pray to prevent raindrops ?

cendols and anchovies

2009-05-19T00:44:00.004+08:00

malacca nowadays , is pretty hot. its not sexy hot but ridiculously flaming hot!
so i went cendoling with my cousin charmaine =)

and i felt like im in the heaven of ice =) the cendol well....is

super duper triple quadruple fantalicious !

before that, we were having plucking-the-shit-off-the-anchovies activity =)

hehee. while doin it, i can alredy imagine it being cook into my favourite sambal belacan . yumm

sometimes, being able to sit down, plucking these anchovies with your grandma is a treat too.

urghh ~

2009-05-19T00:41:00.002+08:00

urghhh....i cant seem to post properly ! there is alwez something wrong ! either the space is too much or i cant change the arranging of the text...making it look untidy after posting. urghhh

morning - e

2009-05-18T01:48:00.007+08:00

so it was on this lovely morning that i teman my ah ma go exercising together with my cousin,

and we drop by ah ma's friend's house to ajak her walk with us =)

thats my dear cousin charmaine , who loyally teman ah ma dance shalalala ~ for one whole week

upon reaching we met a stupid stray dog

although she's holding an umbrella, but mind u she is the instructur that taught us dance shalala ~ and taichi too !

can u imagine me dancing shalala and practising tai chi with a bunch of ah mas ?? well , i cant !!

its kinda embarassing ! coz i cant follow what they do ! ..huhuhu....shame to me !

THE CONCLUSION IS

i will NEVER EVER EVER EVAR ! go to this exercise again, coz apparently, dat stupid stray
dog invited a whole group of stupid stray dogs to dance with us ! so it was an unbearable traumatic morning for me~ if it wasnt for the aunties, i would have scream off my lungs ~

charmaine is the best grand-daughter my ah ma ever had.

she teman her every morning for one whole weeek =)

p/s : ah ma, sorry for not wanting to go again. unless someone lock up all that bunch of stray dogs. or else, no way im goin again

im with flu !

2009-05-15T22:30:00.005+08:00

I GOT CAUGHT UP WITH A FLU ! ....gosh , i have flu ...will i have swine flu??hmm, but i dun have fever wor.... haha, im sure if cayenne or zhini read dis they are goin to strangle my neck for being such a worry-some ass. haha ...didnt manage to update blog this few days ...cant seems to find a decent time for it ...sobs. everytime i blog halfway my parents would be sticking their head into the room asking me to STOP PLAYING WITH UR LAPTOP !duh.....i cant live without online lar. they alwez seems to be interruping when im blogging , and i have to close it immeadiately =( so might as well dun blog lar ~

angels and demon is out !!! .cool ! ..i want really want to watch it , the book is awesome and i hope that i can watch it coming real-life. but im praying that this one will not be like every other novel inspired film, which usually dissapoint book lovers like me.

ok im just talking craps here, im so goin to read my book and go to sleep now, so that i will recover from my flu and not turn into swine flu =) ...heheee

p/s : my hard disc is ok now =) cool ~ it really did recover by itself~

im terribly sad and frustrated !!!! terribly !! terrible !! =(

2009-05-13T14:34:00.005+08:00

what the hell happened to my hard disc ??? huhuhuhu.....=( whats wrong with it ?? kanasai !! i spend so muc money to buy and im nt satisfied with it !!!

1, this stupid hard disc cant seem to obey when i want it to be safety removed !

2, ok nvm, because im such a good owner i didnt simply unplug it , i shut down my laptop with the maxtor hard disc usb still attached to it. THEN! when i open it at night there's this weird " tut ..tut..." sound !!! kanasai ! and it freak me out !

3, ok nvm, so i wana copy paste something AND IT WONT LET ME ! it ask me to reformat my stupid hard disc ! AND DAT FREAK ME OUT TOO !! because i have like tonnes of files and important info inside ! MY ENTIRE LIFE AND EDUCATION IS TRAP INSIDE ! MY ENTIRE LIFE DEPENDS ON IT !!! kanasai !

4, so, because i was freak out, i quickly plug out dat stupid usb and try again,and luckily it works ! with de fastest speed i back up the most important folder in my entire life which is EVIDENCE OF HOW WONDERFUL MY LIFE HAS BEEN - THE PICTURES FOLDER !

5, so i thought let it rest a while may be tomoro it recover and i wont have to listen to dat annoying tut tut sound again. BUT !!! this morning it got worse !!! kanasai ! it cant even let me copy and paste anything ! i was damn annoyed i try again THEN ! hell ! NOTHING INSIDE LIAO !!!! huhuhuhuhuu =( im so sad ~~~

6, and i cant safety remove it too !!!

huhuhuhuhuhuhuuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh IM SO SAD =(

why like this de ??? why ?? =( stupid hard disc! hate u !!! I HATE U !!! im asking my father to call his men to repair u , so u better recover or else im goin to throw u in the bin kanasai ! luckily i managa to retrieve the most important folder =(

huhuhuuhuhuhuhuhuhuuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuuhuhuhuhuhuhu kanasai !

im back to the usual routine ~

2009-05-12T14:35:00.008+08:00

what makes us look forward to waking up every morning? well , reading newspaper makes me look forward to waking up every morning. upon waking up , i would go downstair to find my favourite copy of THE STAR NEWSPAPER =) and mind u its EVERY MORNING!

at least thats what i do every morning before stepping into college life. but after, i seldom read anymore because im never on time and have time for reading newspaper anymore. BUT ! because im on a 5 months recuperating program , so IM BACK TO READING NEWSPAPER =) aint that ought to be happy about=) teeeheeee ~

say fish : im pregnant !

2009-05-12T13:19:00.006+08:00

so, one windy evening i went jalan jalan to the next taman -melaka baru with my dear cousin charmaine. we pass by dis aquarium shop and i suggest to check it out. upon entering what
caught my eye was this huge aquarium with lotsa small fishes lying in.

yup ! it was just lying there like a dead fish ! i was in awe ! because this fish is damn weird and instanly caught my attention was its belly. every fish have a bulky belly as though they are pregnant. but then i have never ever seen a fish pregnant before, and i never imagine it to be like this. i thought its another new species that i didnt knw coz u c im quite *unknowledgeable*with animal species, and god knows hw many thousand and million species of fish there are in this world.

an uncle came and told us these fishes are being quarantine from the others because they are pregnant !!! first time in my life i saw fishes with big bulky pregnant belly, just like any other mothers do. Awesome ! interesting aye. but i kesian the fishes for having to carry a heavy bag doing nothing but just lying in de water. they cant even swim ! they can only move bit by bit. poor thing ~ anyway it is intresting. hmmm..im suspicious are they for sale ?

yummy

2009-05-12T01:18:00.007+08:00

"petaytoe" as ms elise pronounced. spicy hot curry chicken and petaytoe with wholemeal bread

soft fantalicious golden pumpkin cake with fried onion and scrumptious meat as topping

woooooo ~ my favourite ! spicy giler sambal belacan with anchovies and sweet onions.

Aww ~~ dun we all just have dat one particular favourite breakfast dat we desire so much to munch on it , and even after decades u will still yearn for it??! ! well i have !! aww~~im drooling now, ahhh~~~~ how blessed im to have an ah ma that cook superb food =)

on the first week after coming back from kl, i went to my ah ma's house to stay to accompany my dear cousin who also followed me back to accompany my ah ma. so, my ah ma was so thrilled dat both her *sayangs* were back, she prepared alot and when i say alot it means ALOT , of delicious food for us. and it was awesome ! may be b'coz i seldom can taste her food now of these days, which made me miss her food more =)

i seriously *heart* the breakfast on thursday ! she prepared all my favourites ! awwww~i enjoyed it so much i went for a few rounds till ah ma says : gao liao lor girl ! * hokkien* in english is enuf d lor girl. hahha..but i still went for another round =D . she prepared spicy curry chicken with soft petaytoe to have it with wholemeal bread and super spicy sambal belacan with anchovies and sweet onions to go with golden pumpkin cake with scrumptious meat and fried onions =) AND ITS AWESOME ! its de best i can ever ask for~ compare to wat i had for breakfast in kl which is nothing because i was never on time for breakfast, dis is awesome for me. love u much much much ah ma ~ oh wat can we do without u ah ma. my mum doesnt cook, the whole family eat everything and anything that ah ma prepared. without ah ma, i think i would be one of those child whose parents are too busy to cook dat dey juz tapao unhealthy outside food for me =(

I salute u ah ma !

P/s : ah ma r , i think there's a reason y ur food are so delicious. after cooking for us for so many years *winks

hours of darkness

2009-05-10T19:38:00.004+08:00

i cant sleep ! ....what is the time now ? oh no just 1:24 ??? the night is still young !!! ..oh man , what to do to entertain myself when nobody is here to entertain me ? usually in kl , im either still up rushing for projects , or im still online-ing or im out with the gang. but ...but .....now, im just lying in the bed starring at the ceiling. my parents banned me from touching my laptop * coz they say my head is alwez stuck in front of the laptop screen* & from reading story books ! they say its late now, u shud be in bed. ouwwww....sad for me, coz im still nt used to sleeping early. give me sometime to get used to it mah dui ......

so i secretly took out my camera , turn on the lamp in my room and took this photo. i keep on starring at it in the black and wonder how nice it would be if i turn it on. cant blame me ..im just too bored and have nothing to do !!! ...I HAVE NOTHING TO DO !!! ...wow..i will miss this sentence when the 5 month holiday ends.

im goin to force myself to close my eyes now.....we'll c wether how long i can close it before i turn on the lamp to curi curi read books again =) its my daily routine now * reading in the dark xP

ahhhh ~ story books =)

2009-05-07T23:49:00.006+08:00

yeah !! .. finally have the time to indulge in my favourite past time !! which is READING ! hmm..im sure all my close friends would know that im a huge fan of story books, coz i just cant resist STORIES ! =) Am so happy for myself !!! teeheee ~

since coming home, i've finished

1 RL.STINE fear street series book ( freak myself out while reading it in the middle of the night)

1 Susan johsnson's temporary lover ( mmm....nt romantic enuf mc naught is far more better )

2 Reader digest ( its a must every month! )

1 Dr jekyell and mr hyde ( for the *** time again =) i jz love this book )

1/2 Of daniel defoe's moll flanders ( well, its quite dull ..but im goin to finish it anyway )

so now, tonight think im goin to start on my chronicles of narnia . yeah !! krys lets compete who finish first =) Hooooo...cant wait for the night to fall. i have a habit of reading books from pm to am.....wont it be so romantic reading alone while everyone is sleeping, with THE AIR CON -ON ?

wuahahaha ......im lovin it !!

Well , at least this proves that my interest in reading hasn't fade off yet =) upon starting my college life, i thought i wont have time for story books anymore and eventually my passion for it will fade, but ...IT HASN'T ! im still as active as before =) although i live a hectic life trying my best to blend in the designers world , yet i manage to read a few pages of stories everynight * well most of the nights* good for me =)

So long now , off to bury my head in pages of facinating stories =)

im round !

2009-05-04T22:24:00.004+08:00

damn ! haih...i 've de most rounded face a person can ever have ! ...=( why is my face so round ??

i've been longing to cut my hair for so long ....coz its so frustrated to see a lion mane hanging on top of ur head . so there ....! i went to chop it offf...and now it looks like a ballon hanging on top ! the first pic is de one with balloon while de second one will be the lion mane. so sad rite ?huhuhuhu....why is it so round ....huhuhu....i wan to be thin thin thin !!! i wan my face to b thin !!! ish ....

anyway im happy to be home now, but im also missing my life in kl ~

5 months without u guys

2009-05-02T16:49:00.004+08:00

packing off now , goin off at 7 and now is 4:55 in the afternoon. im alredy starting to feel heavy while packing ...gosh ,im alredy starting missing my life in kl ?? i knw im gonna miss it. hopefully i can come back after a month or two to work . that is if my mum allowed me to. i would reli like to come back and work with my friends , but my mum doesnt seems to be fine with dat. well , we'll see. looking forward to the bukit tinggi trip ( that is if its still on ) . may b i will come back to have autocad class,we'll seee.........

empty bed empty table luggage all redy , huhuhuhu...gonna miss u guys . 5 months without u guys will surely be a little dull. no yum char at circle and station one , no lepaking with ck in the middle of the night, no small movies in my rooms , no mc d in the midnight, no trips, no rushing for projects together, no lepaking with u guys. =( will definitely miss everything .

its alwez like this, i would crave for holiday like hell but when it reach, i woud alwez leave with a heavy heart. this would be the first time not seeing u guys for so long ...5 MONTHS ! imagine that ! we've been so close now that 5 months seems like 5 years . HUHUHUHU..BYE GUYS ...C U IN 5 MONTHS . love U guys nonethelesss ! =)

p/s : shenesse, cendy, krys, amos, ken, alvin, ck, xin hui, zoey, cayenne. xoxoxoxo

a note for mr razif ~

2009-05-02T01:38:00.004+08:00

to mr razif,

seriously ,u look like a typical college boy lar, as though u r one of my classmates. but u r not. you are a great lecturer who have wide knowledge in almost every thing that one can throw to u. you are an awesome lecturer who i respect highly for ur critics in art and design ,but not when it come to project. we'll leave tis out as dis post is nt goin to be about that topic. im quite dissapointed that u r goin off ,b coz i cant possibly learn everything from u yet ,i still have alot more to learn and share ur part of knowledge that u are alwez generous in. true in words that u are alwez " twisting here and there"but to me dats jz ur lack of communication.

i've learned alot from u .,when i tot i was de pro in a topic , u were far more greater than me. its a pleasure by just pulling a chair out, sitting down and listening to ur share of knowledge. i've nothing but to say :

THANK YOU VERY MUCH AND ALL THE BEST IN UR FUTURE UNDERTAKINGS ~

may b someday we will meet in the same industry and have the chance listening to ur stories again =)

my new tatooo

2009-05-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

huhuhuh.....my kneeee....i tatooed my knee with dis new image ~nice huh .went to pulau ketam and got myself into a bicycle accident =.= i didnt bump into anyone....dat somebody bump into me =( and dat silly guy have the gut to continue talking on the phone den went off with a look and a smile for me . i was in pain de moment i fell dwn but i stil act macho told ken & zoey ...oh is all right , nt pain lar. ACTUALLY IT HURT ! well,but it went off soon . but then at night while bathing...woooo, i got this huge mark with tiny yucky red dots with blue black background.

just now while having a farewell party ..i bump into it AGAIN ! ...celaka betul hmph* well...its all right...nt pain lar =.=

心理测验

2009-05-01T14:55:00.002+08:00

不久前做了个心理测验，解答是：

表面上，你看似冷漠的有些孤傲，
其实你却有不一样的热情；
在你的心底跟有对世间一切最纯真的想法。
你有情却不多情，
你可以改变却不善变。
肤浅的异性不会接近你，
走进你世界的比定是有内涵的人。

哇。。。超准的，除了那段看似有些孤傲冷漠。
我哪有冷漠孤傲？才不是呢！可能有时比较静而已。

对对！我对世界有最纯真的想法，
不是我笨！我一点都不笨！是人家把我当笨而已。

对对！我可以改变却不善变！我能不代表我喜欢。

对对！我就喜欢有内涵的人 =）不过我也喜欢会音乐的人=）

cheer up friend

2009-05-01T03:12:00.002+08:00

after reading a friend of mine's blog, suddenly i realise sometimes,things may nt seem to be wat u see thru ur eye. u may think that tis person is de most funniest and most empty headed fren u hav,but den it may nt seems to be the truth. wat we interprete thru our eyes are no longer the only truth anymore. i've been practising it often by nt judging people with one second look as well as nt judging people by the content that came out of his /her mouth. but today was quite a sad thing for me to learn that from a friend. i often tot that he is de silliest friend i have ,but it may seems that it is actually de opposite of all my believes.

we went out yum char at night and was as happy as i tot everything is, coz we no longer have projects to rush for. halfway thru , something happened, phone calls came in, the guy walkout,den comebc with a nt so alright face and den we were all hush back with reason ,may be to me it seems to be excuses that something happened to his family. at first i tot ok, may b dis time it is reli family matter,but then it doesnt seems dat way when i read the blogs.

and then everthing came out, it was not as we tot it was. haih, and he wasnt as joyful as we tot he was when he laughs out loud, he wasnt as relax as we were as we tot. he wasnt as happy as we saw from his face. it kind of make my heart ache while reading his blog, b coz he is quite close with us and i knw how sad he is. but theres nothing for me to do as he doesnt say it out and its not my part to be involve. anyway. just wants to tell him badly that,u still have a bunch of frens who cares about u , and ur life is nt as dull as u think when u change ur perception as well as
perspective. there is so much more of life other than wat u see now,and u reli dun have to pretend infront of us . jz walk away or go off when u r upset . u dun have to force urself to bring us out when u r upset or to think of excuses to hide ur frustrations because, we dun mind. friends doesnt need ur explaination they understand.

hope that u recover soon which only u urself knw it as we may not see it, bcoz u r alwez hiding ur true emotions. and we'll be there for u when u need someone to talk to ~ cheer up friend~

混乱

2009-05-01T02:33:00.002+08:00

心里一直都在逗留着某些情绪挥删不了，
复杂混乱的让我无能为力，
当我觉得不再在意时，
它却变本加厉。
有时很好奇的，
想把它当是达文西密码，
那样揭开。
但它就不是啊。
怎么办呢？
=（
就给你多一段时间吧～

reasons why i dun like my model

2009-04-22T19:33:00.003+08:00

yesterday was a wreckage , i screw up all my dun-give-up-hang-on mood freaking off and start worrying tis and dat. all the contribution goes to my lack of confindence and a pair of weird eye balls. despite of frens conforting me and giving me an approval nod for my model, it did nothing magic on me. dat inner me jz keep on telling me ur models are de ugliest among them. plain dull and nothing special. i duno why, despite of lecturer and classmates good comments, but i reli honestly still dun like my gallery model.*sigh

1st - i think deciding a pink gold white and silver colour for it makes it look more like a fairy thinghy and its so pinkish dat i think it jz looks like a poly pocket * those small carry along barbie doll house. from my eye view, my gallery looks like a toy. and dat is de last dat i wan for my shopaholic gallery.

2nd - comparing to others, my gallery space is too plain. i cant seem to think of a good graphic image to put in, and when i do i dun have an appropriate full length paper for my wall :( my wall is damn long and curvy. urghhhhh! den i might as well give up thinking of it,but then every time i look bac at my model, it jz reminds me hw plain it looks.

3rd - i did a mistake from the beginning by constrcuting the wall abit too high. although its still within the measurement given, but halfway thru my project i realise it is abit too high. which contribute to the plainess of my gallery. =(

4th - worrying too much wether my gallery wil be over literal for the lecturers ? although my concept and ideas are wat i wish and will expect of a book gallery if there were a real wan in one u , but it may seems too literal to the lecturers ..=( dat add up to my moodiness.

5th - and de major wreckage came from my favourite lecturer which is nt my favourite in dp class :( although i have full respect and admire him alot of his *bijakness , but he is one helluva lecturer. the whole worry thing was me creating thousand of questions dat he would think of to reject my model. and his rejection on xin hui's and shennese's previous models doesnt help at all.
thru out tis project process, i created thousand of questions dat he would ask , and i created thousand of answers dat i can have to prepare myself for his question, but i too created thousand of question dat he can reject my answers =(

hence, in the end i cant take it and start freaking off. this morning class calm me dwn abit b coz he actually likes my model, thinks my colour combination is good, having de femenine and luxury feel which is good for my shopaholic concept. and he like my material wise *roll eyes. god dat was de last i expected. then , he likes my form and think dat it is fun & he especially likes the gold platform which is de only thing i like in my model. =( but it still havent done any magic on the way i look at my model and looking at other more creative and nice models makes me feel so
* zi bei * on my own model. * may be after a few days of nt looking at my model, i will only den think ...hey actually its not bad. hopefully ~

i knw i dun have de right attitude in my projects but i cant do anything to improve it. *sigh, hw can i be more confident abit ?? how ?? i still have alot to learn. hopefully as time goes by i can be more confident in my projects.

p/s: thx cayenne, zoey and xin hui for all de encouragements and ideas on improving my model.
thx ~ fun having u guys to do project with =)

being emo ~

2009-04-20T05:14:00.003+08:00

okay, dis is de third post for today ...*sigh , all three different post wif different emotions . seee ?dats how emo im . from the first post being unsure about my self-confidence , second being emo for not having de same attitude as my classmates in project-ings , till this de third post which will be about ......im feeling ok and better now ! after chatting craps and stuff with cayenne suddenly ,my mood is back. *sigh ....why m i so emo a ?? my emotions evolved like a rush of waves =.= nvm lar , im very sure tomoro would be de same. i wil start to whine den lose my confidence den im goin to complain again and then im goin to b better again =.= AND very sure dat this will go on till the project ends. * sigh ~ and i dun even knw i post dis up for wat ? its all craps but, its my blog mah so i blog wat i wan lar xP . kind of like shiok sendiri =.= coz i usually dun tell ppl i have blogs . hmmmm...dis blog is jz for a few frens and some very close ones, but *sobs ....the closest ones doesnt even have time to go online and hav no interest for blogs T T ( all those malacca frens ulu *hmph , nt active in blog de ! gona phsyco u guys when im bc )

dear secret voices, so is jz goin to be me and u lar ..eh speak to me leh ..reply me leh ...
ur name is secret voices mah, im ur owner u shud speak to me =.= ...........oklar , im sleepy d lar , nw den i realise i type de same as i talk when im sleeepy ....all rojak and craps ~

烂透了

2009-04-20T02:11:00.003+08:00

钻牛角尖～。。。为啥么我总是那么的爱让自己痛苦呢？为何不学人家轻轻松松的面对所有的困难呢？烂透了！人家都在学着，我为什么就不为自己加把劲呢？烂透了!

supercalifragilisticespialidocius

2009-04-20T01:24:00.000+08:00

am i forcing myself too hard ?

what shud i do ?

2009-04-19T16:10:00.002+08:00

hmmmm....what shud i do in the 5 months long holiday ? ITS 5 MONTHS !!! omg ! ...damn long , nv ever in my life i had a holiday dis long. relieve though. after two yrs of sweat and blood on the field of wars, its time for me the hero, the saviour to return to my country , to my hometown, to my parents and frens. with a severe injury emotionally and mentally and a body half rotten, therefore, i will surely recuperate during this 5 months holiday. after a long haul of whining and complaining and those brilliant plans to freak off and hide under a bush instead of fighting the war, would i ever have de slightest emotion for it and actually misss those moments ? would i ? it would be pathetic then. my hand .....those once delicate hands, which is now half damage with thousands of skin cells killed after two yrs of handling with weapons , will my hands actually ache to touch those weapons again ? it would be even more pathetic then. And in the end , will i actually miss the entire war period? awwwww ...if ever dat happens ..it will make me the most pathetic person on earth !

but ....i duncare lar ....im goin to have as much fun as can in this 5 months ...cherish and aprreciate every moment with my family and frens. woooooohooooo....I CANT WAIT !!!! ..
OK ! enuf of procrastinating ....off to project-ing now ~

lemons~

2009-04-18T14:45:00.004+08:00

once upon a time , there are ten lemons in th earth , hanging up high on the sky . no , these are nt the common lemons but rather, lemons dat splash fire drops upon us ! dey have to ability to splash thru ur deepest skin cells killing cells dat stand in its way ! as if its nt enuff , these lemons can even set an atap house on fire !!! burning every living cells and creatures by first making them sweat in torture , and then melt away in burning hotness ~ these so called " lemons" is what we calles "sun" today. It was lemon(S) back then ,but it is sun now. why ???? coz some chinese hero - hou yi, have the guts to shoot 9of those lemons down but didnt have de guts to complete the task !!! damn ! aduiiii !!! ....from de legend , he didnt shoot the last lemon down b'coz he thinks dat this last lemon might be a great use to humans on earth . to me he jz freak off ! ....damn !!!!

aRGHHHHHHHHH !!!! hw am i goin to do my homework , my whole body and mind system doesnt perform dat well under de blazing hot sun lar ! ..i jz feel like sleeping lar !!! but then , nw i cant even sleep ! coz i would wake up perspiring every 10 minute jz to find myself drain in a pool of sweat . aRggggggghhhh !!!!! why de heck doesnt dat hou yi shoot de last sun down ???? WHY ?? with all de technologies we have nowadays, our genius scientists can surely create an artificial sunlight !!! dat wouldn't even do any harm to us , and we can all live in harmony in the soothing environment . aRGHHHHHH !!!

faster rain lar !!!!! RAIN !!!

p/s : someone says dat sun is significant to a blossoming flower, it would blossom amazingly in a few hours but ..dats it . it would never last long. * to me dat few hours is sinful *

a blessing from all god from all religions = )

2009-04-10T17:25:00.004+08:00

OMG!!! i jz cant believe it !! ... i was preparing for another NO , and redo . BUT ...but ..mr razif actually said ...ya its so much better than yesterday's i like it , ACCEPTED !! ..omg ......huhuh T T tears of happinesss . im at last proceeding to FINAL DEVELOPMENT !! = ))))))

so , here i m dedicating this post to all gods from all religions. thank you so so much ! i made a wish to all of the gods to bless me in dis project , to take care of me during the process of this whole project and make dis project run smoothly for me ! * of course for mr razif to nod his head too ! * AND and and ....it happened , one of my wish was granted just now ! ..MR RAZIF ACCEPTED MY MODEL ! ...thank you gods - gods . thank you so much . amitabha ,amen, allah ( ) * sorry i duno wat is it for de indians's god. of course there are many other religion and god dat i havent thank , i jz manage to google tis four . promised i will do a full research once this project ends and dedicate a post again to all og u gods . THANK YOU AGAIN ~

p/s : to gods from all religion , im reli grateful and thankful , may u continue to look after me and make this project runs smoothly for me ya ~ ...thx ~= )

pp/s : amen , amitabha , allah * thank you hindu god *

im tired ......

2009-04-08T11:56:00.002+08:00

only god knws hw tired im .....im tired physically n mentally. my eye lids are half close by now , and my heart beats are not in tune . its OUT OF TUNE ! *sigh ~ the development model dat i struggle to complete yesterday was REJECTED for the reason of " its juzt too control " ya , dats de actual words dat came our of mr razif' mouth . GOD ! he is one helluva lecturer ! his brain is just too creative to be explain in words, he is jz ..so damn cool yet it frustrated me alot ! .....i reli admire him ALOT ! . but he is too wild for me ....*sobss.....i cant handle it !!

therefore, im here recuperating. im damn sleepy , therefore , im gona sleep and den wake up for sketchup class AND DEN , i will continue to fight for the rights of my models ! i will continue to fight till de end !! i will continue the war dat mr razif created in my brain and win it ! i swear i will !!! .....its jz another three weeks , im gona make it !!! go go go ! ZZZzzzzzz.....* sleeping mode .

p/S: to all gods from all religions, remember the wishes i made yesterday yar ~ ..thx ~

procrastinate~

2009-04-08T04:21:00.004+08:00

here im again PROCRASTINATING ~......who invent such word huh ? mmm...everyone jz lovveee to procrastinate . im a huge fan of it ! HUGE ! i shud nt be here wandering around ...my butt shud be on the chair outside !! .why m i here ? WHY AM I HERE ?? -------procrastinating.

im sick of model makings ~

2009-04-07T23:37:00.004+08:00

ok , im gona puke !! ..the dull lifeless smell of masking tape, cardboard, boxboard, uhu , model card, model board , pieces of papers, scissors, ruler & pencils jz makes me wana PUKE !! .urghh ....!!! its disgusting ! i cant get rid of de smell, it has been lingering around me dis few days, and will continue to do so ! dey follow me into my my dreams !!oh ....dis is just so so damn shitty ! .....urrgh ! ...i still have to deal with it for three weeks ..!!! aaarg!!! ...i hate model makings ...hate it ! hate it ! sometimes , i jz have the tendencies of puking on top of all those damn expensive materials !

god, plz spare me from more obstacles in this project , plz make dis project run smoothly , plz make my laptop work fabulous for this whole project , plz plz plzzzzz ..make my life easier ..can ?? ok or nt ?? plz make mr razif nod his head as soon as possible ~

i pray to all gods from all religions , im adeline tan i -ying in malaysia, currently in kbu international college taking up iad courses , and life has been tough for me while doin projects, may the mighty gods take care of me during this project . thxx a million , trillion, drillion ~ in return i promise i will donate more money to those in need , and i will try my very best in helping those who need my help. i will nt be selfish of my generousity ~

my deepest thank you again ~

im saving saving saving !!! i knw i knw i knw !

2009-04-01T00:12:00.005+08:00

dear parents ,

sorry dat i insist on having dat amount of money left in de bank for me. im sorry ...but plz dun think dat im using dat amount of money spending on accessories , shoes clothes , cosmestics ...or my favourite things ...or as u and papa would say " a pile of useless rubbish " its nt like u all dun understand me ...do i look like some empty minded girl who will simply spend as much as i like ?? as i want to ?? well dat would be wat i reli wan to do if im rich , but i knw i cant now coz i kwn de limit and i dun have the investment in doin it ! and i knw u all send me here to study nt to spend money on stupid things . but aaargghhh ! for god sake .....do u knw how hard is it surviving in kl ?? having a bunch of frens who frequently visit some expensive restaurant .....who frequently make a visit to cinema ....who sometimes organize trips .....taking up de most expensive course in de college ....having to buy thousand of materials for projects ( mind u its nt cheap) .....AND .....i knw we r not super rich , but we r nt poor too, i knw u all jz dunwan to let me simply spend on useless things ..i knw u all mummy would love to use dat money to buy accessories for the house including my room ..I KNW I KNW I KNW !! .....

but its hard ..its reli reli reli hard for me ..do u guys even realise dat ?? i try so so hard nt to spend on extra useless things ...i try super hard nt to go to expensive restaurant and eat food dat is out of my budget ...i even tried nt eating when they went to an expensive restaurant once. i choose nt to eat expensive food and go buy some karipap to eat, and do u knw hw hard is dat ?? i was damn hungry and would reli love to try on dat restaurant's food ..but I DIDNT coz i knw i dun have de money to do it ! i rather save money to buy materials. i try to suggest some cheaper place to eat ..but u knw i reli cant do much ...no one listen to me whenever i suggest some cheaper place ...and nt veryone hav to follow me eat cheap food rite ?? dey have their own life, and we follow majority , with me alone how can i change all of their minds, although i reli hope dat i can stay at home cook and eat ..BUT ...but ...do u knw im scare dat after a few more times i would b left out !

dey love goin to cinema ..to my dismay . to be honest i would reli reli love to go visit de cinema whenever dey suggest goin. as often as possible i dun mind ...BUT I DIDNT !! b coz i knw i cant do dat coz im saving for materials and food ..i dun have exra money to do dat ...and i tried several times nt to follow them ..reli i swear ! ..i didnt follow them a couple of times ..and de result is ....they say i dun like social life ..i dun follow them, dey say y m i so un- social ...and dey even say someday may b i will choose a guy who love to stay at home nt goin anywhere. do u knw how hurt and angry i m listening to such comments ?? do u think i like it alot nt to follow ...?? jz b coz i dun have de money to do all those activities ! im scare dat i would b left out after several times nt following them to movies or dinner or shoppings . so i choose to follow them with a heavy heart , trying to spend as little as possible. i can go shoppings with them without buying anything. in fact ..dats what i alwez do , go empty handed come bc also empty handed. do u all hw much i desire to buy those beautiful dresses and accessories ?? BUT I DIDNT BUY IT ! COZ I KNW I KNW I KNW !

its reli hard. whenever its de time to buy materials i would save and save and i reli dun mind saving but ....sometimes with a bunch of frens u reli cant save too much, like i say i reli think im goin to be left out if i join them less. and papa , mummy ...sometimes ..sometimes i need to buy things for my own also rite ?? how can a girl nt buy anything for herself ?? garrrghhhh....i long to have them buy didnt jz b coz i knw i cant and dat would make my money less ..i did it b coz of u all and here u guys thinks dat im some stupid selfish daughter dunwan to give all de ptptn money to u guys, trying to sabotage the money. i tried so hard here spending less ....i hate nt having enuf money for all de materials and activities ...but i dunwan ending up oweing people money ...i dunwan end up oweing hundreds....so i spend reli less. can u guys understand it ???? plz ????? and college life is damn bloody expensive ok ...today u have a hundred.... BOOM ....end of the week everything vanish !

THE FOOD IS BLOODY EXPENSIVE !
MY MATERIAL IS BLOODY EXPENSIVE !
ACTIVITIES ARE BLOODY EXPENSIVE !
LIFE IN KL ARE BLOOOOOOOODDDY EXPENSIVE !

so papa and mummy plz do understand me ~

love
daughter adeline ~

she throwed my stuff again ~

2009-03-27T03:48:00.002+08:00

you throwed my stuff AGAIN ~

bye ~ dear myvi NCC9224

2009-03-25T02:50:00.003+08:00

shit ! i forgot to kiss goodbye to myvi NCC9224! sorry for not even saying a proper goodbye to u ! ..u have done good for us ! im proud of u myvi 9224! u transported us safely all this while * a credit to ur owner's sister too =) * by owning u all this while makes us more convenience in goin out yum char late at night, great helper in fetching our smelly loaded clothes, by giving me a good and safe trip to genting with my buddies ......N many more ....

in conclusion ...MYVI NC9224 ! u have contribute alot!

therefore u r now temporary given some holidays to recover ur bruises and serve ur other owner !

thx to cayenne the generous humble and good driver . thx for willing to fetch our huge heavy buttocks everywhere and anywhere =) thank you ....*sorry for nt helping u in directions.

p/s make sure the next time u return for ur job u r whiter than ever without bruises ..hehe ~